


More Than Letters

by ScorpioInk



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Blow Jobs, Break Up, Cuddling & Snuggling, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, First Time, Fluff, Hand Jobs, Kissing, Sleeping Together, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Unrequited Love, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:27:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 24,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27195112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScorpioInk/pseuds/ScorpioInk
Summary: Varric and Bianca had been together for years, but when some surprising news and a bold Inquisitor converge on his life this swing in a new direction.
Relationships: Female Inquisitor/Varric Tethras
Comments: 15
Kudos: 65





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Screw you, Bioware, for not letting me romance Varric. 
> 
> And screw you, Bianca. You're a bitch.

It had been Hawke who had noticed first, during her visit to Skyhold before they made their way to Crestwood. Varric had left them for a view minutes to chat, and Hawke had looked at her sympathetically.

“Inquisitor, I mean this with the utmost respect, but Varric is off the market.”

“What do you mean?” Meav watched Varric as he walked back into the main hall.

“I’ve been in love before, Inquisitor. I know what it means to look at someone like you’re looking at him,” Hawke leaned against the ramparts next to Lavellan, “he’s never been available to anyone but Bianca. I know he never talks about her, but trust me, he’s stuck on her.”

Meav sighed, brushing her grey hair back from her face, “thank you, for the warning.”

“Us girls need to stick together,” Hawke pat Meav on the shoulder, “you’re not the first woman to fall for that chest hair, you won’t be the last.”

Meav frowned but nodded.

“Need a drink?”

“That’s the best idea I’ve heard all day,” Meav waved toward what would eventually be a tavern, “I don’t have much of a space for entertaining, but I’m sure Bull has something he can offer.”

“Quanri’s always do,” Hawke followed Lavellan down the steps, “does Varric know?”

“I haven’t told him,” Lavellan shrugged, “but if you noticed in two minutes, I’m sure he’s not entirely unaware.”

“You’d be surprised. Varric never sees his own worth. Since I’ve been friends with him, I’ve seen no less than three women fall completely head over heels for him, and he’s never even _blinked_ in their direction. I think he doesn’t see it, or, he’s so in love with Bianca that he doesn’t want to see it.”

“In love with someone that he never sees?” Lavellan managed to shove the door to the tavern open after a few pushes with her shoulder, “have you ever met her?”

“It’s the one story he’ll never tell, so he certainly wouldn’t have let her near Isabella. I’ve seen the letters though when he’s not paying attention. She’s real.”

“Thank you, for the warning.”

Hawke ordered them a round of ale, passing one to Lavellan, “to falling in love with men who are terrible for us.”

“And the years of heartbreak it brings!”

***

Meav had done her best, honestly, she had, but time and travelling with Varric did nothing to help her feelings. It certainly didn’t help that he was the best archer in the Inquisition by far, so between his skill and her ranged magical attacks, they made a remarkable team.

Dorian had noticed next, politely taking her aside one night at camp and asking if she _always_ stared at people like that or just Varric.

Then it was Bull, offering to give her a ride in Varric’s place.

Then Cassandra, telling her she should have better taste, but lending her _Hard in Hightown_ , just for some light reading.

Within months, everyone had approached her at some point about her feelings for Varric. Everyone except for the man himself.

Meav couldn’t tell if Varric didn’t know, or, if as Hawke had said, was so enraptured with Bianca he didn’t notice.

“Hey, Inquisitor, I’ve got a question for you.”

Meav jumped, pulled back from being lost in thought, and turning to Varric who smiled at her sympathetically.

“Sorry, Varric, I was a million miles away. What can I do for you?”

“We’ve been travelling together for a while now, and I’ve started on my next book. The story of our adventure, you know, like what I did with Hawke.”

“Yes, I expected as much.”

“Well, I was wondering if you could tell me a bit more about yourself? Characters need to be flushed out for a reader to feel engaged with them, and it occurs to me I don’t know much about you.”

“Ask away,” Meav set aside the bowl of the now cold soup she had been holding, “I’ll answer what I can.”

“How old are you?”

“Forty.”

“Grey hair is from?”

“Born that way, same as my mothers.”

“Any siblings?”

“Two sisters, but one died a few years ago.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Varric wrote some notes in his book, “siblings are tricky.”

“They can be, yes.”

“How about your parents, alive, happy?”

“Yes to both.”

“Still married?”

“Yes, for many years.”

“Have you ever been married?”

“Now you’re getting personal,” Meav smiled at Varric, “no, I’ve never been married.”

“Any girlfriends, boyfriends?”

“Why, are you interested?”

Varric laughed, “you’re out of my league, Inquisitor.”

“I don’t know about that. The answer is that I’ve had both, but I’ve been on my own now for about ten years.”

“Any reason why?”

Meav frowned, playing with the handle of her cup as she thought of an answer.

“Hey,” Varric pat her on the back, “you don’t have to answer.”

“No, it’s fine,” Meav’s eyes met Varric’s, “I suppose because the people that I love never love me.”

“Are you sure about that?”

Meav sighed, “yes.”

“Does someone have your eye now?” Varric set his book aside, “someone I could talk to for you?”

“You’re sweet, Varric, but I don’t think you could talk to him for me.”

“Why’s that?”

“You’d need a mirror, for one.”

Meav watched the realization set in gradually, Varric’s face going through a multitude of emotions. Confusion, embarrassment, before settling on resignation and something that looked a little bit like sadness.

“Meav,” Varric for the first time in all the months she had known him seemed at a loss for words, “I didn’t know.”

“Really?” Meav tried for casual, “everyone else noticed.”

“Maker,” Varric rubbed his chin, something he usually did when he was nervous, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, Hawke already told me about Bianca. I know you’re not available. Don’t worry about it, I’m sure it’ll pass.”

“I-,” Varric started before shaking his head, “I had no idea. I feel like such an ass for asking you all of those questions.”

“Seriously,” Meav stood, suddenly desperate to get some distance between them, “don’t worry about it.”

“Meav-“

“Varric,” Meav put her hand on Varric’s shoulder, “it’s fine. I’m capable of handling rejection.”

“I don’t want to ruin our friendship.”

“What’s ruined? I’ve had feelings for you for months and we’ve been fine. Seriously,” Meav leaned forward, kissing Varric’s cheek, “pretend this conversation never happened and we’ll continue on like we always did.”

“Okay,” Varric looked skeptical, but didn’t stop her from leaving, “see you later?”

“Wicked grace? Is the game still on?”

“You bet.”

“I’ll see you then.”

***

As hard as it was, Meav had kept her word, working exceptionally hard to keep everything as it always had been. The first few days after the reveal had been a bit awkward, but gradually, it was almost as if the conversation had never happened.

Until Bianca showed up at Skyhold.

They had made their way to the Hinterlands with Bull and Dorian shooting worried glances at Meav the entire way.

“Would you two _stop_ ,” Meav whispered to Bull and Dorian after Varric and Bianca had retired for the evening, “I’m not a wilting daisy. You don’t need to look at me like I might dissolve into tears at a moment's notice. I’m _fine_.”

“We’re just worried about you,” Dorian defended, “neither the Bull nor I want to see your heart broken.”

“He was never mine,” Meav pointed out, pleased that her voice stayed strong, “I didn’t lose anything. Varric has always been Bianca’s.”

“For the record,” Dorian leaned in to whisper, “you’re much prettier.”

“For sure,” Bull agreed equally quietly.

“Don’t be mean,” Meav said with a smile, “Varric loves her.”

“Yes, but we both know you’re the better choice,” Dorian yawned, “I’m off to bed, did you want to join me? So you don’t have to be alone?”

“Sure,” Meav stood, “night, Bull.”

“Night, Boss.”

“Hey, Dorian?” Meav started once she was laying with Dorian on his bedroll.

“Yes?”

“Thanks for being there for me.”

“Of course.”

***

“Get him killed and I’ll feed you your own eyeballs.”

“Excuse me?” Meav had managed to keep her cool up until that point, “the only person who has hurt him here, Bianca, is you. From what I can see you’re a self-entitled _bitch_ of a woman who enjoys stringing along one of my best friends. How about this, if _you_ hurt him, I’ll open a rift to the Fade and throw you in it.”

Bianca looked shocked, and Dorian snorted as Meav continued.

“You’ve kept him hanging for what, years? Why? Because at the bottom of it all you know that you’re not important, not really. You know that your husband doesn’t love you, and there are plenty out there who are better at design than you are, and the only reason _anyone_ knows your name is because of your arranged marriage. How fucking dare you judge me, you fucking _witch_.”

Meav stormed off, waving for Dorian and Bull to follow her, “leave her here. If she’s so fucking good at everything she can find her own way out.”

***

Bianca hadn’t said much as they set up camp for the night, Varric still too upset to speak with her and Meav glaring at her whenever she looked over.

“You’re scaring her,” Bull whispered as he passed Meav her dinner.

“I hope so, the cow.”

“You’re hot when you’re mad, Boss.”

Meav smiled and shook her head, “shut up, Bull.”

***

Bianca hadn’t come back to Skyhold, leaving the camp earlier in the morning and heading back to Kirkwall.

Once they had arrived, Meav took Varric aside.

“Did you want to talk about it?”

“Not really,” Varric sighed as he looked at the fire, “but I probably should.”

“I have time, if you want to talk to me.”

“It’s been years,” Varric glanced at Meav, “is it going to upset you if I talk to you about this?”

“I wouldn’t have offered if it would,” Meav sat at the table that Varric had claimed as his, using her foot to kick a chair out for Varric, “start at the beginning.”

Varric had, and for the first time in his life, he told someone the entire story about Bianca. It had been therapeutic, finally telling the story to someone.

“Do you think you’ll ever see her again?”

“I always do.”

“You’re still young by Dwarven standards, yes?”

“I’m still a few years out from middle-aged, yeah, why do you ask?”

“I’m only going to say this once, and before I do I want to say I know that I have a personal bias here.”

“Okay…”

“You deserve more than someone who sends you letters, Varric. You deserve someone who you can touch and have a family with. Someone who doesn’t have parents that send _assassins_ after you. I know you love Bianca, but I think you should be open to other partners. Someone who could be yours.”

“Like you?”

Meav winced, a full-body jolt, “I didn’t say that.”

“Is that what you meant?”

“No, Varric,” Meav let out a frustrated huff, “I meant what I said. She’s a mean-hearted woman who is _using you_ and keeping you on a shelf for if she needs you. You deserve better than someone who only sees you as an option, and not their first choice.”

“Like you,” Varric’s voice was accusatory now.

“This has nothing to do with me, Varric.”

“Doesn’t it?”

“No!” Meav stood, the harsh sound of the wooden chair legs scraping across the stone drawing the attention of those nearby. Meav leaned toward Varric to speak quietly, “you don’t want me, I know that. That doesn’t mean you have to settle for someone who doesn’t treat you exactly as you should be treated.”

“And you can do that?”

“Oh for fuck sake,” Meav glared at Varric, “you know what, I don’t care. You want to be miserable and alone with that bitch, go ahead. I’ll just be walking all over Thedas destroying the red lyrium that she unleashed. Excuse me.”

Varric watched as Meav stormed from the hall, out the front door, and down the steps. The feeling of regret washing over him in a wave.

“Well, shit.”

***

“She’s avoiding you,” Dorian pointed out nearly a week later, “why?”

“She’s not avoiding me, she’s not talking to me, there’s a difference.”

“She’s leaving for the Storm Coast tomorrow. Taking Bull, Sera, and I.”

Varric winced, Meav never left without him, “yeah?”

“You didn’t know?”

“What are you getting at, Sparkler?”

“You’ve hurt her feelings. Why don’t you just apologize?”

“She called Bianca a bitch.”

“Bianca _is_ a bitch, Varric. The only person who doesn’t see that is you. Still, Meav’s accurate review of your lady-friend is hardly worth losing a friend over. You should apologize.”

“She’ll come around.”

***

It turned out that Meav was not going to _come around_. One week turned into two, and as the third week approached of Meav not speaking with him it turned into the only thing that Varric could focus on.

“Just apologize,” Dorian said for what seemed like the hundredth time.

“And say what?”

“I’m sorry that when you were trying to give honest advice that I assumed it was you trying to convince me to court you?”

“She told you?”

“I’m her best friend, of course, she told me.”

Varric groaned, his head hitting the table with a thump.

“Inquisitor,” Dorian greeted cheerfully, and Varric sat up quickly, “nice to see you, as always.”

“You saw me twenty minutes ago,” Meav smiled and rolled her eyes, and Varric was taken by how much he had missed her voice.

“I know, it’s been ages.”

“You’re an idiot.”

“Are you joining us for Wicked Grace tonight? We were just discussing how much we’ve missed you at the past few games,” Dorian gestured to Varric.

“Were you?”

“Yeah, we were,” Varric finally found his voice.

“Okay,” Meav agreed, “I’ll be there.”

***

It was still awkward, and Meav had avoided speaking with Varric during the game unless necessary.

“Haven’t you punished him enough, Meav?” Dorian had asked when Varric had gotten up for drinks, “he’s miserable.”

“I’m not punishing him, Dorian. I’m trying to get over him like he so clearly wants. I can’t help but love him when I speak to him every day. He made it clear that he will always pick Bianca, and that’s fine, but then I need to move on.”

“Don’t give up on him just yet, maybe you should just spend more time together, show him what he’s missing.”

“That’s not how it works.”

“You could try?” Dorian started to shuffle the cards, Josephine and Cullen now listening in to their conversation with interest.

Meav felt her face flush, “no-“

“Maybe we could give you a makeover? Some makeup, a new outfit.”

“No, Dorian-“

“I know, we’ll get you a pretty dress.”

“Dorian,” Meav stood, “ _stop_. You don’t understand. This isn’t some joke or passing fling. I care about him but as much as I try, I can’t love him into loving me. It doesn’t matter how much that hurts, or how hard it is, I have to live with it. Just…shit…this was a mistake.”

Meav turned toward the door, pausing mid-stride when she noticed Varric watching the conversation with a mortified expression.

It was times like this that Meav was glad she had always been quick on her feet. Varric had no chance of catching her as she sprinted out the door.

“Meav, wait,” Varric tried to set the drinks down as quickly as he could.

“No, you stay,” Dorian pushed away from the table, “this was my fault, let me speak with her.”

***

As good as Meav was at speed, Varric was better at stealth, so neither Meav nor Dorian noticed as he approached them where they were talking on the ramparts.

“I know all too well what it’s like to love someone you can never have,” Dorian wrapped his arm over Meav’s shoulder, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pressed.”

It’s fine,” Meav sniffed and wiped her face with her sleeve and Varric realized with some horror that she was crying, “I’ve just been trying so hard to move past this. I just can’t seem to get over him.”

“Sometimes we love people who aren’t good for us,” Dorian held Meav closer, “I don’t think that Varric realizes how bad Bianca is for him. It’s just what he’s always known.”

“I know.”

“Don’t let him break you, Meav.”

“Too late,” Meav said in nothing more than a whisper before she hid her face against Dorian’s shoulder and _sobbed_.

Varric winced at the sound, it spoke of the kind of misery that had crept into someone’s heart and started to erode it like water dripping on stone.

Dorian glanced over his shoulder, locking eyes with Varric, never dropping his gaze he spoke to Meav, “no one is worth this sort of heartache, Meav. No one. If the person you love doesn’t make you feel like the most important person in all of Thedas, then it isn’t love worth keeping.”

***

Meav had gradually started speaking with him again, but rarely and much more strained than it had been. Eventually, he had written to Hawke for advice.

_Varric,_

_As much as I hate to say it, Meav is right._

_Fenris and I have always thought that Bianca was bad for you, but it was such a sensitive topic for you that neither of us wanted to bring it up._

_And before you mention it, yes, I know that Fenris and I were apart for years. Do as I say, not as I do._

_You deserve more than letters, Varric._

_-Hawke_

***

It had been a few weeks later than Bianca’s letter had arrived while Meav was away. It was short, to the point, and had completely shattered him,

_Varric_

_I’m pregnant._

_Bianca_

***

“There’s something wrong with Varric,” Dorian had started before Meav had even dismounted her horse, “he got a letter earlier in the week and he hasn’t been eating or sleeping since. He looks like shit. You need to speak to him.”

“Why do _I_ need to speak with him? You’ve been here, why haven’t you spoken to him?”

“I tried,” Dorian took Meav’s bag, “we’ve all tried. He won’t tell us what’s going on.”

“I suppose it’s not our problem then.”

“Meav,” Dorian caught her before she could walk off, “I know he’s said some mean things, and I know you’re having a hard time with him, but he needs someone.”

Meav sighed, “fine. Where is he?”

“He’s been in his room for the past few days.”

“Alright, but you have to put my things in my room and tell Josephine where I went.”

“I will.”

Meav frowned as she made her way to the small tower that Varric had claimed as his quarters. Dorian knew that she had been trying to stay away from Varric, so for him to bring it to her attention meant that Varric was likely in a very bad way, she hoped that his brother was alright.

Meav knocked on the door, and after a moment when there was no answer, she knocked again.

“Varric,” Meav knocked again, “let me in.”

There was the sound of the door unlatching and Meav stepped into the room, closing the door behind her. It was dark, and with a wave of her hand, she sent some balls of light to float around the ceiling. Varric looked awful, deep circles around his eyes, his beard longer than she had ever seen it and his hair hanging in greasy tendrils around his face.

“What happened? Is your brother okay?”

“I don’t know if he’s ever okay but this wasn’t him.”

“Bianca?”

“Yeah,” Varric handed Meav the letter.

“I don’t understand,” Meav glanced up, “is it yours?”

“The letter?”

“No, Varric, the baby.”

“Oh, no. It’s not mine. Our arrangement was more emotional than physical.”

“Alright,” Meav passed the letter back to Varric, “so what’s going on?”

“We had an agreement, it started years ago, we’ve been together for like Fifteen years as you know. We would keep our relationship, our letters, going on one condition.”

“No children caught in the crossfire?” Meav guessed.

“Yeah. Her husband is an asshole, and I didn’t much care about upsetting him. Kids though, shit. They don’t deserve that. If they’re going to play family for real, that means that we’re done. Fifteen years out the window in a four-word letter. She didn’t even have the courage to tell me when she was here.”

“She might not have known,” Meav sat beside Varric on the bed, “she may have found out after she got home.”

“Yeah, maybe, but you would think after so many years together you would get more of a farewell.”

“I’m sorry,” Meav wrapped her arm over Varric’s shoulder, “you deserved better than that.”

“I think I always knew, you know, that she would never leave her husband for me, but as long as there weren’t kids in the picture it was always an option. Now,” Varric shrugged, “it’s an official breakup. Sorry, I shouldn’t be moping. We have things to do.”

“There are always things to do. If you need some time to get over the shock you can take it.”

“Thanks, Inquisitor.”

“You’re welcome. Try to come out of your little sadness cave to eat, okay? Dorian’s worried about you. I hadn’t even dismounted my horse before he came to get me.”

“Alright.”

“If I don’t see you for dinner I’m going to come and get you.”

“Deal.”

***

Varric had managed to wash up and shave down his beard before the emotional exhaustion weighed heavily enough that he needed to rest. That being said, he wasn’t surprised as the sun set and he heard the knock on his door.

“Come on, Varric. Dinner time.”

“It’s open.”

Meav pushed open the door, leaving it open as she walked in, “come on, we’ll be late.”

“What, are people expecting us?”

“You bet,” Meav sat beside Varric on the bed, “but if you’re not feeling up to it, I can bring some food here for you?”

“No, I’ll come,” Varric took a minute to collect himself before sitting up with a groan, “I just feel so exhausted.”

“Yes, heartbreak does that,” Meav stood, offering Varric her am, “having some dinner with friends will make you feel better.”

“If you say so.”

***

It had, as much as Varric hadn’t wanted to admit it. Meav had gathered him a plate of his favorite foods setting in front of him without any pressure to speak with the others. He hadn’t been hungry but as the conversation flowed around him, he slowly started to eat.

Meav gave him a small smile of support, filling his cup with wine and resting her hand on his shoulder. Varric thought for a minute that it might feel claustrophobic, but the weight was reassuring, an anchor to remind him that he wasn’t alone.

“What are your plans for the week, Inquisitor?”

“I have a list a mile long,” Meav answered Dorian, “I’m not sure where to start. I suppose I should go back to the Emerald Graves, see if I can find the rest of the letters about the lyrium. The scouts mentioned finding more deposits, so I should smash them while I’m there.”

“Who are you taking?”

“Bull, because he gets upset if I don’t fight the Giants with him. Varric, if he’d like to come.”

“Me?” Varric glanced up from his plate, “you haven’t taken me anywhere in at least a month.”

“Do you want to come?”

“Sure,” Varric agreed, “if you want me there.”

“Well, then I’m coming,” Dorian announced, “if we’re getting the old group together.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the kudos and lovely comments. I love you guys :)

“Dagna, hey,” Varric presented Bianca, “I need some work done on the trigger before I leave with the Inquisitor.”

“Sounds good, she should be here this morning,” Dagna took Bianca and set it on the nearby table.

“The Inquisitor will be?”

“Yes, that’s right. Harritt forges the swords, I enchant them, and anything wooden the Inquisitor deals with, like staffs, bows,” Dagna considered for a minute, “she actually does almost all of the armor, too.”

“You’re joking.”

“No,” Dagna looked at him like he was stupid, “didn’t you know?”

“No, I assumed that you and Harritt did it all.”

“Afraid not,” Dagna picked up a rune she had been working on, “if you want to wait, she should be here with tea and snacks soon.”

“Tea and snacks?”

“Yeah, she’s amazing,” Dagna focused on her rune, “these little elven cake things, they’re really good.”

“It’s lembas bread, Da’len,” Meav’s voice came from the door, a small basket over her arm, “it’s what we have for breakfast.”

“Hey, Inquisitor, we were just talking about you.”

“So I heard,” Meav walked into the undercroft with practiced ease that showed how much time she spent there, “I should have enough for you if you’re hungry.”

“After all of these reviews how could I say no?”

Meav set the basket down, passing a square that looked similar to a scone to Dagna and Harritt before handing one to Varric.

“Is there enough for you?”

“Sure is,” Meav pulled a square from her basket, taking a bite before pointing to Bianca, “broken?”

“Trigger is sticking, I thought it was lack of use, but I oiled her yesterday and she’s still sticky.”

“Let me finish this and I’ll take a look,” Meav walked toward the open cliff, looking over the wooden rails at the view below. After a moment of hesitation, Varric joined her.

They ate in companionable silence, interrupted after a few minutes of the high-pitch whistle from the kettle that Harritt had set on the forge.

“Tea?”

“Sure,” Varric followed Meav, still slightly unsure of where they stood after the Bianca situation.

“Thank you,” Meav accepted the tea from Harritt gratefully, passing the first cup to Varric.

“How do you know how I take my tea?”

“You take it the same way that I do,” Meav to the next cup and gestured for Varric to follow her, “so, sticky trigger.”

“You can try it if you want.”

Meav did, loading a bolt and shooting out of the open wall of the undercroft, frowning and looking at the trigger, “that is sticky. Luckily, I found a few parts when I was out last and I think I can do some improvements.”

Watching Meav work was fascinating, more so when Varric hadn’t realized that she was inclined toward building and design.

Meav easily disassembled the trigger, setting each screw into a small dish off to the side, before pulling some parts out of a small box and taking files to fit them into the old mechanism.

“I had no idea that you were the one fixing her all this time.”

“My father is a master builder from our clan, he specializes in ironwood, but I can work with anything. I’ll admit, Bianca took some time to learn, but once I figured out how she went together it was easy enough.”

“Impressive, Inquisitor.”

“You know, you can call me Meav.”

“Meav,” Varric watched as each part was carefully filed into shape, and gradually it made its way back together into something that Varric recognized as a complete trigger mechanism.

“Here you go,” Meav handed it back to Varric, “give it a shot.”

“Pun intended?”

Meav laughed, “no, not intended.”

Varric loaded the bolt and shot out the open rock side like Meav had, smiling as the trigger immediately went back into place, “perfect.”

“Try a few more, I need to work on my staff.”

Varric had fired a few more bolts before he was distracted from Bianca while he watched Meav turning a long piece of wood with some chisels into something that was slowly turning into a beautiful ornate staff. He found a seat out of the way of Meav and the woodchips flying to watch.

“If you’re going to watch, can you pass me that sandpaper?” Meav pointed to the sheets of paper next to Varric, “please?”

“Sure,” Varric handed it to Meav, “who is that for?”

“Dorian.”

“It’s pretty, I would have thought you would like to keep it.”

“Dorian’s pretty, too, and this one is made for spirit damage, so he can put down the strange creatures that he brings up once he’s done with them.”

“Fair enough.”

“How have you been feeling? It’s been a few days now, do you think you’ve got your footing back?”

“Sort of,” Varric was grateful that Meav kept her eyes on the staff, “my appetite is back, at least.”

“I noticed, I didn’t have to come and get you for dinner last night.”

“Thank you, by the way, for checking in on me. I know I didn’t give you any reason to be nice to me after we had that conversation when Bianca left. I know you were just looking out for me, I shouldn’t have gotten so defensive.”

“Sometimes it’s hard to see the faults in those we love, and we forgive them for the things we shouldn’t. I understand why you thought I was saying you should leave her for me, but I promise you that I wasn’t.”

“Yeah, I get it. I’m sorry, for the record. I shouldn’t have snapped at you.”

“Apology accepted.”

“Friends again?”

Meav did glance over to him then, “friends.”

***

They were five days into their trip in the Emerald Graves when Varric caught sight of Meav smiling at him.

“What are you smiling at, Meav?”

Meav waved for him to walk over, and when he was close enough she whispered in his ear, “Harding is flirting with you.”

“No, she’s not.”

“Yes she is, you just didn’t notice. She’s looking at you right now.”

Varric tried to casually look over his shoulder, and noticed that Harding immediately looked away, busying herself with a small patch of elfroot, “huh.”

“It might be too soon, but don’t forget that you have options now. You’re a free agent.”

“Way too soon,” Varric sat next to Meav on the log they had purposed as benches, “I still need some time.”

“Well, you know two places to look when you’re ready.”

“Harding…and?”

“Me,” Meav gave a little shrug.

“What, still?”

“Try as I might, Varric Tethras, I can’t seem to get over you.”

***

“Inquisitor,” Dorian had all but shouted, “I insist we stop to take a bath. I can smell the Bull from here.”

“Considering you’re bedding him even though you think I don’t know about it, I’m surprised you’re complaining I would think you were used to the smell of him all hot and bothered.”

Dorian looked at Meav with such a mix of shock and annoyance that both Bull and Varric couldn’t help but laugh.

“You know?!”

“Please, Dorian, you two are fucking in my keep where I happen to have a _very_ skilled spymaster. Yes, I know. I knew after the first time, never mind when I suddenly had to replace some curtains which _somehow_ caught on fire.”

“Why didn’t you tell me you knew?”

“Because you were keeping it secret for a reason and I didn’t want to intrude on your personal business,” Meav pointed up a hill, “water is this way.”

“And now you just blurt it out for everyone?”

“To be fair, Lethalin, the only person here that didn’t know was Varric. I was hoping it would speed up setting up our camp tonight, anyway. We only need three tents considering you did a piss-poor job of sneaking into Bull’s last night.”

“You’re terrible, did you know that?”

“Maybe, but at least I’ve never set my house on fire during sex.”

“Then you’re doing it wrong, Boss.”

***

“You boys go, I’ll keep watch and take a turn after.”

“I thought the Dalish bathed together?”

“We do, but I’m the only Dalish here, so I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. Go, I’ll wait here.”

“Don’t be silly,” Dorian linked arms with Meav, “we’re safer together.”

“You’re all sure?”

“I’ve wanted to see you naked since we met, Boss.”

“Varric?”

“I won’t look if you don’t.”

“Alright then, come on,” Meav found a large boulder perfect for setting their clothes on to dry and set her pack against it, grabbing her soap from her pack, “leave your clothes by the water. I’m sure I have more experience cleaning them in fresh streams than you do.”

“You’re a saint,” Dorian undressed in record speed, rushing into the water with Bull close behind him. It took Varric a few minutes to undress, awkwardly setting his clothes aside before making sure he was in the water that covered him at least up to his bellybutton.

True to his word he kept his back to Meav as he heard her start to wash their clothes. Bull; however, seemed to have no such concern.

“Damn, Boss. How aren’t you married yet?”

“You know, my mother asks the same thing,” Meav called back, “I couldn’t tell you, Bull.”

“You’ve got awesome tits.”

“What he means to say is that you’re very beautiful,” Dorian smacked Bull, “and we appreciate you cleaning our clothes.”

“I appreciate you bending over to clean our clothes more.”

“Hey, respect the lady,” Varric didn’t dare turn around, but still jumped to Meav’s defense.

“I appreciate the effort Varric, but it’s fine.”

“You’re fit, for a mage.”

“I carry a very big, very heavy, stick around all day. It makes you strong. Dorian’s plenty fit, too.”

“And flexible.”

“Would you guys stop?” Varric rolled his eyes, “maybe I should have kept watch.”

“Not to worry, Varric,” Meav’s voice came from close behind him and she pat him on the back, “they’re just playing. You have a leaf in your hair, did you want me to get it?”

“Uh, sure?”

Varric closed his eyes as Meav gently untangled it from his hair, letting it float away in the water. Very aware that this was the first time in a long time that he had been this close to a naked woman.

“There you go.”

“Thanks.”

“Meav, come here and let me wash your hair, you have blood in it.”

“Oh gross.”

***

Bull and Dorian had only set up one tent, and they had been kind enough to move it far away from the others so hopefully, the noise wouldn’t carry. They had barely made it past dinner before they had made their excuses and disappeared into the tent.

“Don’t set it on fire!” Meav called after them, “Bull, I mean it.”

“Take it up with the mage!”

“Wonderful,” Meav rolled her eyes, “they are certainly not far enough away for me to not hear them. How about you?”

“Dwarven ears aren’t that good, I should be fine.”

“Lucky man,” Meav glanced around the camp, squinting toward a small cluster of bushes, “no way.”

“What?”

“Blackberries!” Meav grabbed a bowl from dinner, skipping over to the bushes to start picking them, “I love blackberries. They won’t grow at Skyhold, it’s too cold.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so excited,” Varric couldn’t help but smile as Meav did a little victory dance as she picked the fruit, “elven delicacy?”

“Not particularly, I didn’t always love where I could find them.”

“Was your clan big?”

“Oh no, certainly not. Fifteen people, maybe?”

“Three of which are your family?”

“That’s right, but my sister was interested in a man from a sister clan, so she might move on if they marry.”

“And what about you, when this is done? Going back home, going to raise some kids?”

There was a hesitation before Meav shook her head, “I’m not allowed back, actually. Too much of a target for my clan. I don’t know where I’ll go, yet. Bull has said I can join the Chargers, Sera has said I can join the Jenny’s, Josephine has said that I will likely be needed for a few months after Corpyheus is gone. I guess I have some time before I need to worry about it. Maybe I’ll join the Wardens and stay with Blackwall, or travel Thedas with Solas.”

“You could find another clan? I know the one that Daisy was in. I’m sure she could put you in contact with their Keeper.”

“Maybe, but I like spending time with all different kinds of people. I think I would be sad if I wasn’t spending time with people like Bull. So far the Charges is the most enticing offer.”

“Damn right!” Bull’s voice carried from the tent and Meav rolled her eyes.

“If you can listen to me while doing _that_ you aren’t doing it right, Bull.”

“We haven’t started yet.”

Meav rolled her eyes as she walked back toward Varric with a bowl overflowing with blackberries, “what about you?”

“I’ll go back to Kirkwall. You could come with me, lots of different kinds of people there, I have a nice estate, you could stay with me?”

“Kirkwall,” Meav sat next to Varric, “would I be safe there, as a mage?”

“No more dangerous than anywhere else.”

“Fair,” Meav offered Varric the bowl, “I could cook?”

“You cook, I’ll write my books and run my spy network, in between we can have games of wicked grace at the Hanged Man.”

“Sounds like fun.”

“Yeah,” Varric took one of the berries, relishing in the way it exploded across his tongue as he bit it, “it does.”

***

They hadn’t spent more than a week at Skyhold before they ended up on their way to the Forbidden Oasis, Varric, and Meav riding side by side.

“We went a month without me going anywhere, and now we’re going to be gone for the better part of a month.”

“You seem happier when we’re away from Skyhold, and I have at least twenty of those shards, so we might as well make the trip.”

“Easier to keep my mind off of things. There was a letter from Bianca waiting for me when we got back, she wanted to keep our arrangement going.”

“What did you say?”

“I told her no. It had always been the agreement, if she had kids or I had kids it was done. It’s not going to change now that she’s suddenly panicking. Besides, I deserve more than just letters.”

“Damn right you do,” Meav smiled at him, “you should be with some lovely lady who gets to enjoy those talented hands of yours. I get butterflies in my stomach watching you pick locks.”

Varric blushed, “alright, thank you.”

“Never mind the way you hold your bow, so confident,” Dorian chimed in.

“You always seem to know just when to pull the trigger,” Bull added from behind them, “you wait until the tension is _just right_ , and _boom_.”

“Okay, all of you shut up.”

***

The Forbidden Oasis had been a wonderful idea, the shards offering Meav some sort of resistance and the rest of the day spent relaxing by the water. The Inquisition scouts had offered Meav some wine and reported that it had been found near one of the old mining camps. By the time the sun was going down, they were more drunk than sober.

“I have a question,” Meav announced, “it’s a stupid question.”

“No such thing,” Dorian drained the bottle and opened another with a pop, “what’s your question, oh great Inquisitor?”

“Why does Varric have chest hair, but you two don’t,” Meav pointed between Dorian and Bull.

“They can’t all be as attractive as me, Meav.”

“I _know_ ,” Meav rolled her eyes, “but in my clan, we’re told that everyone but the elves has body hair, but Bull and Dorian _don’t_.”

“I have a beard,” Bull cut in, “and leg hair, and arm hair. I just never got any on my chest.”

“I do, in fact, have chest hair. I just wax it off.”

“Why? It would look good on you,” Meav studied Dorian’s chest, bare in the heat of the Oasis.

“Not in fashion in Tevinter is all. You say that elves don’t grow body hair?”

“Nope,” Meav offered Dorian her leg, also bare from where she had stripped down to everything but a long shirt, “feel.”

Dorian ran his hand over her leg, “impressive, very smooth. You’re telling me that you don’t even have hair between your legs?”

“Nope,” Meav said again, “but I’m not showing you _that_.”

“Varric must seem very fluffy to you.”

“He is,” Meav turned to look at Varric, who was suddenly wishing he had kept his shirt on despite the heat, “it’s nice.”

“Have you ever felt it? It’s quite course.”

“Varric has never let me touch his chest, no,” Meav dropped back into the sand, her hair fanned out like a silver halo around her head, “I also haven’t asked.”

“I’m sure he would agree.”

“Don’t put words into his mouth, Dorian. He doesn’t like me like that.”

“Are you sure? He’s a lovely shade of red right now.”

Meav turned to look at him again, “I think that’s sunburn. We should head back to camp.”

***

They had started to sober up over dinner, and by the time it came for them to retire for sleep there were distant rumbles of thunder in the background and their drunkenness had turned into a calm tipsy state.

“We should go to bed before the rain starts,” Dorian tugged on Bull’s hand, “come on, Amatus.”

“Right behind you, Kadan. Night, guys.”

“Goodnight,” Meav waved, “see you in the morning for more shard hunting.”

“Yay,” Bull said with a groan.

“Headed to bed, Varric?”

“Yeah, Varric yawned, “sounds like it’s going to get wet soon.”

“Downside to hot climates, lots of rain,” Meav stood, “goodnight, Lethalin.”

“Night.”

Varric watched Meav disappear into her tent and let out a sigh, strangely missing her even though she was nearby. Gathering his things, he went into his tent to sleep.

***

Something was wet, and Varric’s mind slowly started to stir as he realized that _he_ was wet.

There was a hole in the roof of his tent, and the storm was roaring above them, a steady stream landing on the bedroll he had claimed as his own.

“Shit,” Varric reached for his things, stumbling out into the darkness and feeling for the next tent he could find, pushing open the flap and stumbling inside.

“Varric?”

“Oh, shit, sorry, I thought you went to the other one.”

“What’s going on?” Meav sat up, sending a dim light spell to the roof of the tent, taking in the soaked Varric.

“Hole in my tent, I’ll go to the other one.”

“Varric, you’re already soaked, just sleep in here.”

Varric felt his cheeks flush.

“Just sleep, I promise, but if you go out there you’ll end up even wetter.”

“You’re sure?”

“I offered,” Meav moved over, leaving room for Varric, “come on.”

Varric set his bag by the door, dropping down onto the bedroll awkwardly, “you can stop the light spell.”

The glowing orb dimmed further and then popped out of existence, casting them back into darkness.

“Night, Varric.”

“Yeah, night.”

***

When Varric woke up he found that at some point during the night that they had taken Meav’s hand, their fingers clasped together as Meav continued to sleep, her face pressed against his bare shoulder.

She was beautiful, he decided. Her hair, a bright grey, had been one of the first things that he had noticed when they met. It could have aged her, instead, it just flattered her complexion and made her already elegant features more unique.

Her eyes were pretty, too, though he couldn’t see them right now. At first glance they were blue, but Varric knew if you looked closer you would find streaks of purple.

She had long ears, even by elven standards, and sharp cheekbones. She could look harsh, but instead, she looked almost angelic, like something that Andraste herself had imagined and charged into being.

Varric watched her sleep for a while, memorizing the tattoos that crossed her forehead and chin, making mental notes to write down later. As she began to stir, Varric wondered if he should pull his hand away.

“Varric?”

“Yeah?”

“Why are we holding hands?”

“No idea,” Varric squeezed her fingers gently, “we were like this when I woke up.”

“That’s kind of sweet,” Meav looked up at him, “did you sleep okay after your impromptu shower?”

“I did. The best I have in weeks.”

“Good,” Meav closed her eyes again, “me too.”

“We should get up.”

“No rush, Bull and Dorian are having a quicky.”

“How do you know?”

Meav pointed to her ear with the hand not holding Varric’s, “I can hear them.”

“Ah.”

Meav rolled on her back, sitting up and turning to face Varric, “you never take your necklace off?”

“No, it was made to be permanent.”

“It looks heavy.”

“I’ve been wearing it for nearly ten years, I don’t notice it.”

“Doesn’t get tangled in the chest hair?”

“No,” Varric laughed, “it really interests you, huh?”

“It’s silly, I know.”

“You can touch it if you want.”

Meav arched her eyebrow and Varric felt his face flush, “really?”

“You said you were curious.”

Meav didn’t seem to have any hesitation, taking her hand from Varric’s and settling it in the middle of his chest, spreading her fingers through the hair. Meav lifted her hand away, watching as it bounced back before she ran her fingers through it again, a smile crossing her face.

“Not what I expected, but it’s fun.”

“I’ve been told it’s good for cuddling.”

Meav shifted closer, laying down again, this time with her head on Varric’s chest. Varric froze for a moment before he brought his arm over Meav’s waist, holding her closer.

“If I were to give it a rating I would say seven out of ten,” Meav brought her fingers to play with the hair just in front of her face, “soft, comfortable, but your chest is a little bit too tall for me to lay on comfortably. My shoulder will ache after a while.”

“Wait, that only gets me a seven?”

“You lost one point for height,” Meav tapped his chest as she counted down, “one because you woke me up in the middle of the night, and one because this is the first time you’ve let me touch your chest.”

“Can I earn those back?”

Meav glanced up at him, “you can certainly try.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for disappearing, folks. Depression smacked me across the face and made me her bitch this week.

“Oh,” Dorian glanced between them as they left the tent together, “what a happy bit of news.”

“There was a leak in his tent, Dorian, nothing exciting.”

“Varric, you disappoint me. You were in bed with a woman as beautiful as our Meav and you didn’t take the opportunity to ravish her? Take her to the very crescendo of pleasure? I’m not sure that we can be friends any longer.”

“I was more focused on getting some sleep and drying off. It was like a stream in that tent when I woke up. I didn’t even mean to go into Meav’s tent, I think I just couldn’t remember which direction she had gone. Too much wine.”

“Go on that date with Krem, Boss. He’s a nice guy, he likes you.”

“If Krem wants to take me for dinner, Bull, he needs to ask me himself.”

“He thinks you’ll say no.”

“I won’t say no.”

“Really?” Varric paused mid pouring his tea,

“Why would I say no? The only person that I’m interested in isn’t interested in me, so it wouldn’t hurt to try and, I don’t know,” Meav shrugged, “put myself out there? I’m not getting any younger, and this _being Inquisitor_ business is lonely work. I _like_ sharing my bed with someone and having someone to talk to each night. There’s no reason why I shouldn’t go on a date with Krem, see how things go.”

“You deserve all the happiness in the world, my dear,” Dorian passed Meav a plate of food, “if I were interested in women I would have crawled into your bed _months_ ago.”

“Alas, I am ill-equipped,” Meav gestured between her legs, “as such, I am not the next Lady Pavus.”

“I know, it breaks my heart too.”

“Kadan, I’m right here.”

***

“Did you mean it?” Varric asked as they started their ride back to Skyhold, “you would court Krem?”

“Why?”

“I’m just asking.”

“Yes, I would. I care about you, Varric, but I’m not going to spend months and months waiting for you to decide if you’re interested in me or not. That’s not fair to either of us. Eventually, you’re going to feel like you need to court me because I’ve waited so long, and I’m going to resent you for making me wait. I’m just being proactive.”

“Besides,” Dorian called to them, “someone needs to pleasure our darling Inquisitor.”

“I’m perfectly skilled at doing that myself, Dorian.”

***

Varric shook his head against the general feeling of malaise that had settled over him since their return to Skyhold, trying to clear his mind.

“Something the matter, Varric?”

“Just a bit of a funk, I think,” Varric answered Dorian, joining him at the table in the tavern.

“Is that due to Bianca, or that,” Dorian pointed to Meav and Krem having a quiet conversation in the far corner.

“Not Bianca,” Varric waved for a round of drinks, “I can’t decide what I think of that, yet.”

“You know she’s right, she deserves to be happy, even if it’s not you making her that way.”

“I know.”

“And you’ve never once told her that you were interested because she would have told me. I would have got her drunk to celebrate. No doubt you would doubt be busy making love on every available surface of her quarters as we speak.”

“Yes, thank you, Dorian.”

“So stop pouting and let the poor girl enjoy herself.”

“I’m not doing anything to stop her,” Varric defended, “I’m having a drink with friends.”

“While glaring at the woman who is in love with you because she hasn’t allowed you to set her on a shelf for when you decide you want to play with her.”

Varric frowned, “that’s not what I was trying to do.”

“An observation for you then. We always tend to want the things we can’t have. Even more when we lose it due to stupidity.”

“Do you think I’ve lost her?”

“I think you’re losing her, but it’s not a done deal yet. Act fast if you intend to.”

***

“Hey,” Varric smiled at Meav as she came to see him a few days later, “how was your date?”

Meav pulled a face, “it was fine. Krem is a lovely man, we just don’t have much in common.”

“No?”

“Tevinter and Dalish don’t have much in the way of a crossover. He doesn’t use magic, and I’ve never lived under the same sort of oppression that he had to endure. Our tastes in the arts are different, and food, and well, just about everything. We decided we’re better as friends.”

“That’s too bad, you sounded excited.”

“I was, but some things aren’t meant to be,” Meav shrugged, unconcerned, “I need to go to the Emprise du Lion tomorrow. Do you want to come?”

“You bet.”

***

Varric hated the Emprise du Lion.

It was cold and depressing, and there was red lyrium _everywhere_.

Still, it was satisfying to watch Meav walk up to the big deposits and blast them apart with magic. Even if it made him nervous every time she walked close to one.

“It’s only for a second, and it doesn’t tempt me,” Meav reassured, “I never use lyrium potions, so I don’t feel the urge to use it.”

“Not at all?”

“Well I get the tingles in my hands when I’m around it, and I can hear the whispers that you mentioned your brother talking about, but I generally shatter it so quickly they don’t have time to take a hold.”

“I don’t like it,” Varric eyed the melted snow where the lyrium had been cautiously, “it’s dangerous.”

“Yep, but I’ve destroyed almost twenty of these being veins, so it’s not getting much of a hold in Thedas.”

“You just like the sound it makes,” Dorian rolled his eyes.

“I do, it’s satisfying. Come on, another few hours before we can make camp.”

***

Varric shivered, the chill rushing through him as the sunset and cast them into darkness aside from the fire. Dorian had moved to sit on Bull’s lap shortly after dinner, huddling together under one of Bull’s gigantic cloaks for warmth.

Meav seemed unaffected, tossing another log onto the fire while they waited for the Inquisition scouts to arrive to take watch.

“Aren’t you the slightest bit cold?”

“Not really,” Meav gestured to her ears, “tips of my ears, a bit.”

“I don’t understand,” Varric winced as his teeth started to chatter, “it’s freezing.”

“I thought dwarfs were good with extreme temperatures?”

“Heat, not cold.”

“You should have mentioned,” Meav sat beside Varric, taking one of his hands in hers.

Almost immediately, Varric felt warmer. The painful throb from his fingertips easing and the tension in his jaw lessening.

“Better?”

“Magic?” Varric guessed.

“Yep, a warming spell. As long as you’re touching me you should be comfortable.”

“You’ll hear no complaints from me.”

***

“I guess we should go to bed, it’s a hell of a hike to that bridge.”

“You’re probably right, the giggles and moans from Bull’s tent stopped, I think they’re asleep.”

Varric let Meav’s hand go, immediately wincing as the wind chilled him.

“Did you want to sleep in my tent?” Meav offered, “I can keep that spell going for a few hours.”

“You don’t mind?”

“I’m not expecting anyone else to join me, and I would feel awful if you were feeling cold all night.”

“After you, Inquisitor.”

Meav headed toward her tent, holding the flap open for Varric to join her and tying it tightly behind him, “make yourself comfortable.”

“I should take off my armor, but I’m scared I’m going to freeze.”

“You will only be cold for a minute, I will be right over.”

Varric carefully stacked his armor by the bedroll, waiting for Meav to take her jacket off and organize the blankets.

“Are you planning on joining me?”

“Yeah,” Varric carefully stretched out on the bedroll, careful to leave a space between her body and his.

“I need to touch you, darling. You don’t need to hide from me,” Meav said but turned away from him, facing the wall of the tent, “come on, tuck up behind me.”

“Like…spooning you?”

“Yes, we can’t hold hands, I might let you go as I sleep. Now, the spell only works for an hour or two, so just wake me up a bit and I’ll re-cast.”

“Okay,” Varric did as she asked, finding that despite their difference in body composition that they fit together nicely, “comfortable?”

“Perfect.”

Varric felt his body relax as the warmth radiated from Meav over his body, “gods that feels good.”

Meav snorted, reaching for Varric’s hand and pulling it over her waist, “a warming spell does it for you? You should see what else I can do.”

“Give me one example.”

There was a small orb of light that floated up to the ceiling, and Varric watched it slowly move around the tent, “a light spell? Old news.”

“Big words for a man who can’t do magic, I just needed you to be able to see the spell.” Meav held her hand up so Varric could see it, snapping her fingers once.

Varric watched as a bright purple hummingbird appeared on her fingers, perched and shaking its feathers as it organized its wings.

Varric had just focused his eyes on the iridescent feathers when it took flight, darting around the tent with wings loud enough there was an audible hum, a trail of bright sparks following behind it.

“A trail finder, a spell of my design, I can send it down a path in the middle of a dark woods and follow the sparks. They aren’t hot, and they stay bright until I call her back.”

“You made this?”

“I got lost in the woods once when I was young, we had just moved the clan and I had no idea where I was. It took my Keeper ages to find me. I started working on the spell shortly after but I didn’t perfect it until I was about twenty. I’ve changed her a lot over the years, different colours and the sort, but purple is my favorite colour and I think she’s beautiful now.”

“She is,” Varric agreed, “impressive magic. What does she look like when she goes away?”

Meav waved her hand and the bird exploded with a small flash, sparks cascading down onto the blanket in a slow drop, almost like snowflakes as they covered them for a few seconds before flickering out.

“I think that was the second most beautiful thing I’ve seen today.”

“Second? What was the first?”

“Writer’s secret,” Varric was glad Meav wasn’t facing him as he continued, “but I’ll tell you that she’s in this tent.”

***

“Good morning, lovers,” Dorian called as they exited the tent the next morning.

“Good morning, Dorian,” Meav rolled her eyes and walked over to the fire, “how did you sleep?”

“Oh fine, Qunari put off heat like a furnace. Were you okay?”

“Varric and I made do with warming spells. Not ideal, I’m pretty tired this morning, but it was fine. We should be in the fortress tonight, so we’ll be a bit warmer.”

“Thank the Maker for that,” Varric shivered, “I hate this cold.”

“Come sit with me, and I’ll keep you warm while we eat breakfast.”

“Are you two courting now?”

“No,” Meav served up two bowls of oatmeal from the cast iron pot over the fire, kissing Dorian’s forehead as she walked by, “I’m just a lovely person who takes care of my friends.”

“You are a lovely person,” Varric agreed as soon as the warming spell hit him and the bowl of oatmeal was placed in his hands, “I appreciate it.”

***

“Meav,” Dorian called to her as they walked, “how are you doing that?”

“Doing what?”

“Walking on top of the snow?”

Varric looked over and found that Dorian was right. Meav was walking beside the path over the top of the fresh snow, barely leaving any footprints as she went.

“I don’t weigh enough to break through the ice crust,” Meav gave a small shrug, “the path is better for Bull and Varric who need the snow to be a bit clear for them to move easily. I’m fine up here.”

“Hey, Boss?”

“Yes, Bull?”

“Think fast.”

Varric watched as the snowball left Bull’s hand, flying toward Meav with surprising accuracy given that Bull fought with a sword rather than a bow, only to be caught by a shield thrown up by Meav just before it impacted.

“Oh, Bull, what part of your beautiful brain thought it was a good idea to start a snow fight with an elemental mage…” Meav shot her hand forward, a massive snowball appearing above Bull and dropping onto his horns.

“Shit,” Bull shook his head, clearing the snow, “this means war, Boss.”

“Do you worst, Iron Bull.”

***

The fight had gone on for nearly an hour, Varric taking cover in Meav’s shield, Dorian blocking Bull. Eventually, they were broken up by red Templars who had come to investigate the sound of laughter and elemental warfare.

“Why do they always have to ruin everything?” Meav nudged one of the bodies with her foot, “I was having fun.”

“I’m drenched,” Varric shook out his hair, “this isn’t going to be fun on the way back.”

“Ah, yes, come here everyone,” Meav waved them over, casting a quick spell leaving them dry, and for the moment, warm.

“Thanks, how much further?”

“An hour, maybe two. Faster if we don’t stop for lunch.”

“I’m dying to be warm, I’m good without lunch.”

“Same,” Bull agreed, “Kadan?”

“Fine by me.”

“Well, if we can agree on a ceasefire, let’s get going.”

***

Despite the time that the Inquisition had Suledin Keep under their banner, the poor weather conditions had not been helpful in the repair of the tower. Varric couldn’t help but sigh as it came into view, still covered in holes and other damage.

“Doesn’t look very warm, Inquisitor.”

“No, it doesn’t,” Meav agreed, waving as one of the scouts shouted their arrival, “not to worry, Varric. We can bed down together if it’s still too cold.”

“I appreciate it.”

Meav had been called away as soon as they had set their bags down, and Varric watched her from his position next to the fire as she was pulled in multiple directions at once.

“Have you changed your mind on our Inquisitor, Varric?”

“What do you mean?”

“You keep watching her, you shared a tent with her,” Dorian gave Varric a gentle nudge with his elbow, “not the things that I would expect from someone who was not interested.”

“I don’t know,” Varric considered, “she’s beautiful, but I’ve always thought she was beautiful, even before Bianca ripped my heart out. I admire her, and I enjoy spending time with her, but if I act on it I want to make sure that it’s the right thing to do, not just an impulsive decision because I’m scared of being alone.”

“You’ve been alone for years, Varric. The odd letter doesn’t make a relationship. Think about how nice it would be to fall asleep in her arms each night, to make love to her, to have a partner that’s _actually_ yours, not someone you have to share.”

“You’re right, but I need to make sure I’m ready. I don’t want to hurt her more than I already have.”

***

“Varric?” Meav called from the front of her tent, “I’m headed to bed, just come in when you’re done speaking with Dorian.”

“He’s done,” Dorian called back, “goodnight, Meav.”

“Goodnight, darling,” Meav waved and stepped into the tent, Varric following behind her a few moments later.

“It’s not as cold tonight,” Varric tried for an easy conversation to distract himself from Meav undressing and changing into her sleeping clothes nearby.

“No, the walls aren’t great, but they provide some cover. I hope you don’t mind; I was hoping our body heat together would be enough tonight. I need a night to sleep without casting. It’s very tiring.”

“It’s fine, I didn’t mean to exhaust you.”

“Once and a while is fine, but multiple nights in a row is a bit much. Besides, I think we’ll be seeing some dragons tomorrow, and I want to be well-rested.”

“Great, dragons. Snow and dragons. Best trip ever.”

“Hiking, snowball fights, and cuddling,” Meav folded her clothes and put them in her bag, “it all depends how you look at it.”

“I guess you’re right,” Varric undid the laces of his shirt, pulling it over his head, “I liked your hummingbird last night, that was fun.”

“She’s very pretty,” Meav agreed, “I’m very proud of her.”

“You should be,” Varric sorted through his bag and found a pair of soft cotton pants, glancing over his shoulder and making sure that Meav wasn’t watching before changing.

“I’m done when you are,” Meav kept her back to Varric, giving him the privacy to change in peace.

“Give me one second,” Varric hastily tied the front of his pants, “Maker it’s cold.”

“Well, when you’re done getting ready we can curl up together.”

“I’m good,” Varric pulled back the blanket, laying down and smiling as Meav immediately pressed along the length of his body, pulling the blankets over them and resting her head on his chest.

Varric noticed the warming spell immediately as it washed over him, taking a minute to enjoy the warmth, “I thought you weren’t casting tonight?”

“One to get us started won’t hurt anything,” Meav yawned, “now we can keep the heat going between us.”

Varric brushed a rogue piece of hair from Meav’s face, “I appreciate you keeping me warm.”

“I secretly just want to play with your chest hair,” Meav joked but didn’t touch.

“You’re welcome to if you want.”

“If I’m allowed to touch, can I feel your beard?”

“I don’t have a beard, but you can touch my face, sure.”

Meav shifted, resting more of her weight across Varric’s chest and looking down at him with a smile, “you have more of a beard than I do.”

“From what you mentioned the other day, everyone has more of everything than you when it comes to body hair.”

“This is true,” Meav reached for Varric’s jaw, gently running her fingers over the stubble she found there.

It bordered on the stage between soft and sharp, and there was the odd scar that had either turned the hair grey or stopped it from growing altogether. Meav couldn’t help but smile at the feeling of it under her fingertips.

“Enjoying yourself?”

Meav met Varric’s gaze and found he was watching her with amusement, “I am in fact. I’ve always thought you were dashing.”

“Yeah?”

“Of course, how could I not? You introduced yourself to me with such confidence after shooting a demon dead, and then you made sure that I was safe and taken care of for the first few weeks that I was in Haven,” Meav tapped Varric’s nose with her finger, “how could I not fall for the charming Dwarf? You made it so easy.”

Varric’s heart sped up, and he felt a flush cross his cheeks, “you flatter me.”

“I try,” Meav leaned forward, and for a moment Varric thought she might kiss him until her lips met his cheek and she withdrew,

Varric waited until Meav was settled back against his chest before he spoke, “you know, you’re quite the catch too.”

“Oh?”

“Long silver hair, blue and purple eyes, interesting tattoos,” Varric smiled as Meav started to run her fingers through his chest hair cautiously, “brave, intelligent, amazing magic.”

“Well, if you know anyone looking for those qualities, let me know. Listening to Dorian and Bull every night is starting to get to me.”

“When was the last time you were with someone?”

“As in sex, or a relationship?”

“You mentioned the relationship before, about ten years, right?”

“That’s right,” Meav considered, “I don’t think I’ve had sex in five or so years? Long enough that certain parts of my anatomy aren’t sure what they’re used for anymore.”

Varric laughed, “I’ve got you beat. Bianca got married ten years ago, we stopped after her vows.”

“Yikes, poor you,” Meav was silent for a beat, “do you ever miss it?”

“Only recently,” Varric admitted, “I think I had gotten used to it, and now that there are options again my body is reminding me of its neglect.”

“Yep, that’s how I feel. Do you think you’ll look for something casual, or are you interested in moving into a relationship?”

“I’ve never been a casual guy, so probably a relationship, once I’m sure that I won’t hurt the person I’m with and that I’ve properly moved on.”

“That’s fair. What do you miss most about being in a relationship? A real relationship I mean, not a letter one.”

“Sleeping together. I don’t mean sex either, I mean like this. It isn’t often you can find someone you trust enough to sleep next too, I always used to be worried that someone was going to rob me.”

“I suppose it helps that I’m the one that pays you.”

“A bit,” Varric chuckled, squeezing her waist, “what about you? What do you miss?”

“Being kissed. It’s stupid, but I miss coming back from a hike and being greeted by a smile and a kiss. It’s been years, other than Dorian once when he was _so_ drunk, and that was…a mess.”

Suddenly Varric wanted nothing more than to kiss Meav. It settled like an ache in his chest and for a moment it was hard to catch his breath, “yeah, I miss that too.”

“Someday I’m sure we’ll both find someone,” Meav pat Varric on the chest, pulling back to rest her head on the pillow rather than him, “sorry, you’re too high.”

“Yeah, I know, I lost a point for it,” Varric rolled to face her, barely able to make her out in the dark.

“You did, that’s true,” Meav inched a bit closer, “but then I think you called me beautiful, so I was willing to give you the point back.”

“You are beautiful, if I confirm it can I get two?”

“Not how it works, Ser Tethras.”

“That’s not fair,” Varric could just make out the upturn of her lips, “there must be something I can do.”

“Hm,” Meav tapped her chin, “you did let me play with your beard.”

“I did.”

“I guess I can make an exception.”

“I have something else,” Varric swallowed heavily, “that might sweeten the deal.”

“Oh?”

Varric moved slowly, giving Meav plenty of time to pull away, giving himself time to change his mind, but as he pressed his lips to Meav’s it didn’t feel strange, it felt right.

Meav gasped against his lips, her hand coming up to cup his jaw as Varric slowly mapped her mouth with his.

It was chaste, all things considered, but as Varric pulled away and Meav whispered, “I think that was worth two points,” Varric couldn’t help but kiss her again.


	4. Chapter 4

Once Varric had started kissing Meav, he wasn’t sure that if he wanted to stop, she was warm, soft, and responsive, reaching to tangle her fingers in his hair.

“Varric,” Meav rolled him onto his back, easily slipping her leg over him and straddling him, only pausing their activities, long enough to ask, “what are we doing here?”

“I don’t know,” Varric held Meav’s hips, running his hands up to her waist and holding her close.

“I think,” Meav kissed him again, “we should probably stop until you _do_ know.”

Varric didn’t want to, but let her pull away to sit up, still straddling his lap, “you might be right, but you sure look pretty with your lips all pink like that.”

Meav laughed, much to the relief of Varric who still had his hands resting on Meav’s bare thighs, “you think so?”

“I think you’re pretty all the time,” Varric blushed as Meav winked at him and rocked her hips.

“I get that impression.”

“It’s been a while…”

“I know. I tell you what, if you think about if you’re interested in a relationship with me, we can talk about taking things further.”

“That’s fair.”

Meav leaned forward, kissing Varric again, quickly and far more chaste, before moving to lay beside him, “there is a plus side to this.”

“Oh?”

“Are you cold?”

Varric laughed, “no, I’m not.”

“Me either,” Meav tugged on his necklace, “goodnight, Varric.”

“Night, Sweetheart.”

***

“Inquisitor,” Varric groaned as he leaned against one of the broken walls of stone, “you know you’re one of my dearest friends, but two dragons in one day is just too much.”

“Agreed,” Meav sat beside him, her jacket scorched and her staff broken and discarded, “but we did it.”

“Subjective, Meav,” Dorian spoke from where he was flat on his back about four feet away as Bull looted the dragon’s hoard.

“Sorry,” Meav closed her eyes, casting a weak healing spell over all of them, “I needed those shards.”

“How are we going to carry all of this stuff back?”

“I told Harding that I would send a notice for her to send scouts,” it took Meav a minute, but eventually she was able to conjure her hummingbird, smiling as it fluttered around her head before landing on her knee, “I need you to go to the camp at the end of the bridge, find the Dwarf, and when you get there give her a signal to come back this way. She’s expecting you.”

The bird took off, the bright trail of sparks left behind as she made her way toward the bridge.

“That’s neat,” Dorian picked up one of the glowing sparks from his chest, “could you teach me that?”

“Tomorrow,” Meav rested her head against Varric’s shoulder, “I’m too tired now. I broke my staff.”

“Are you okay?” Varric wrapped his arm over her shoulders, “one of those hits you took was for me, and you look a little worse for wear.”

“Never better,” Meav joked, “perfect.”

“Meav,” Varric reached into his pack, finding the leftovers of a healing potion, and handed it to her, “come on.”

Meav rolled her eyes, but downed the remaining potion, “better?”

“Yes, we can’t have you sore all day.”

“Why?” Meav whispered to Varric, “do you have plans for me later?”

Dorian laughed, “dear Meav, do I want to know what you said to our resident rogue to make him blush like that?”

“Top secret, Dorian.”

***

“You keep staring at her like that and she’s going to notice,” Dorian whispered to Varric as he handed him a warm cup of cider.

“No she won’t, she’s too busy working on that new staff,” Varric hadn’t been surprised when he found out that she had insisted on a space in the new fortress to fix weapons.

“What happened between you last night?”

“Why do you assume that anything happened?”

“Because you keep looking at her, for one.”

“She’s beautiful.”

“We all know that, but Bull isn’t staring at her like she’s perfection embodied.”

“I kissed her.”

“You did?”

“I have no idea why,” Varric turned his attention to Dorian, “just had the urge and she let me go with it for a few minutes. Eventually, she pulled away and told me that I had to think about what I wanted before we continued.”

“Sensible, she’s looking out for the both of you.”

“I know, but once I started it was hard to stop.”

“Let me ask you something, Varric. If she were to leave tomorrow, go back to her clan and you never saw her again, would you regret not having a relationship with her? I don’t mean the preliminary regret, either. I mean the one that lingers for years, the type that keeps you up at night long after the fact.”

Dorian was asking him seriously, so Varric took a minute to consider before answering, “I might. If she were to pack up and leave tomorrow I would never forget about her, that’s for sure.”

“What specifically, the fun adventures that you had, or the way her lips felt against yours last night and the way her body felt pressed against you?”

“Both,” Varric answered honestly, “I think I would just miss her in general.”

“What if you never had to?”

“What do you mean?”

“What if she was there for every celebration,” Dorian spoke with such sincerity that Varric had a hard time looking away, “every failure. What if sometime in your future you woke up to those weird blue and purple eyes bringing you breakfast in bed, cooking dinner in your kitchen, running your spy network for you? I don’t need to tell you that Meav is an amazing woman, Varric, you already know. I think what you need to realize is that Bianca is gone, and she’s going to stay gone, and you’ve now had over a month to think about what _you_ want from your life. If Meav is someone you want, you should go for it.”

“Shit, Sparkler, I think that’s the most serious I’ve ever heard you.”

“I’m being serious. I know I joke, but I care for you both and I’d like to see you both happy. If Meav would make you happy, and I think she does, I want to make sure that it’s something that you have in your life.”

“Like Bull for you?”

“Yes,” Dorian agreed, “like Bull for me.”

“What about what Meav wants? What if she doesn’t want Kirkwall or any of those things you mention? She might want to stay in the Hinterlands.”

“Then you compromise or do long distance. It’s not as if you didn’t maintain a relationship for nearly two decades through letters.”

“What are you guys talking about so seriously?” Bull walked over and sat beside Dorian.

“Meav and Varric.”

“I think you should do it,” Bull glanced at Meav who was still studiously working on her new staff.

“I’ve heard Dorian’s sales pitch, why do you think I should do it?”

“Because you’re in love with her, you just don’t realize it,” Bull shrugged.

“How do you figure?”

“Easy,” Bull held up his fingers as he listed his examples, “you mope when she’s away, you try to avoid calling your bow _Bianca_ when she’s around, you stare at her all the time. I could go on, but you don’t want me to, and I don’t really need to tell you all the reasons you love her. You already know, but you’re spooked because your last girlfriend was a bitch and you’re worried that if she could leave after so long that there is no reason for Meav to stay.”

“Well, shit, Tiny. Way to take it easy on me.”

“it’s time for tough love.”

***

“Meav,” Varric called to her, “come on, it’s getting late. You can finish it in the morning.”

“Says the man that isn’t travelling unarmed tomorrow,” Meav called back as she set the staff aside.

“You’re a mage, you’re never unarmed.”

“True,” Meav glanced around the camp, “where are the boys?”

“They went to bed an hour ago, I told them that I would stay up to make sure you didn’t work through the night.”

“My hero,” Meav joked, “come on, let’s go to bed.”

Varric followed Meav to the tent, a comfort now in their routine of changing together and gravitating toward each other on the bedroll.

“I hurt _everywhere_ ,” Meav laughed as she tried to find a comfortable position, “bloody dragons.”

Eventually, Meav managed to curl up in a way that didn’t make her injuries ache, Varric moving as close as he could without jostling her.

“Are we going to share a tent tomorrow?”

“Do you want to? It won’t be cold.”

“I want to.”

“Okay, then we will,” Meav kissed Varric’s cheek.

Varric opened his mouth to speak before closing it again and shaking his head.

“What?” Meav smiled, “I’ve never seen you struggle with your words.”

“I was going to ask if I could kiss you again, but I respect that you want me to have my priorities in order fir-“

Varric was cut off by Meav’s lips pressing against his, and despite his usual restraint, a moan fell from his lips at the feeling.

“Don’t misunderstand, Varric,” Meave spoke as she pulled away, “I want to kiss you, terribly. There have been many boring war meetings where I have thought of nothing else.”

“You’ve thought about kissing me during meetings?”

“Well, if I’m being honest, I’ve thought of you doing more than that during my meetings. It’s a nice way of passing the time while Josephine tries to explain Orlesian politics to me.”

Varric blushed, “Inquisitor, that’s hardly appropriate.”

“No, what would be inappropriate is if you came into the room and _did_ what I thought of.”

“What would Andraste think?”

“I honestly have no idea,” Meav kissed Varric again, “I know my Creators would be all for it.”

“How am I supposed to sleep now, knowing that you think naughty things about me during the meetings?”

“If you go to sleep now, maybe you’ll have some pleasant dreams and come up with some ideas of your own?”

“Maker, save me.”

***

“Inquisitor, glad to see you’ve arrived safely,” Scout Harding greeted them after a long day of riding back toward Skyhold.

They were blissfully in a warmer climate, but Varric was still pleased to see that only two tents had been set up for the night.

“Scout Harding,” Meav dismounted her horse and walked over, “I’ll never understand how you travel so quickly, you leave Skyhold the same time I do but still arrive before me.”

“That’s what I do,” Harding pulled a bottle from behind her back, “a little birdy told me it was your Name-Day today. I got you a gift.”

“Oh, Lace, that’s very kind,” Meav took the bottle and hugged Harding, “you didn’t need to do that.”

“I wanted to.”

“Wait, it’s your Name-Day?” Dorian called out, “today?”

“It is, yes,”

“Why didn’t you say something?”

“What was I meant to say? We’re not exactly in a position to celebrate it out here. I don’t expect gifts.”

“Still,” Dorian frowned, “we should have done something.”

“No kidding,” Varric agreed, “now I feel bad.”

“Don’t, we’ll have dinner together, share this wonderful wine that Scout Harding brought me, and then head back home tomorrow. I’m Dalish, after all, this is pretty much how I have spent every Name-Day.”

***

“If money were no object,” Dorian started, “what would you want for your Name-Day?”

“Money is always an object, Dorian.”

“Pretend it’s not.”

“Hmm,” Meav took a sip of her wine, “probably something pretty with _no_ use. A necklace, a ring, something like that. Something that’s mine just to be mine, not something that I have to give up for the clan, or I have only for some sort of boring function.”

“Did you never have anything like that for your birthday?”

“No,” Meav laughed, “the Dalish work and the idea of keeping something just for yourself is unheard of. Everything is for the clan.”

“No toys when you were a child?”

“Nope.”

“That’s sad, Meav. You deserve pretty things.”

“I know I do,” Meav kissed Dorian’s cheek, “and now I have you.”

***

“I feel terrible not knowing about your Name-Day,” Varric said as they got into bed.

“No problem my dear, I don’t expect you to know.”

Varric stretched out beside Meav, “still, I feel bad. Is there anything I can do tonight? Something to make your night special?”

“Any time I spend with you is special. Honestly, Varric, don’t worry about it.”

“You sure know how to make a man feel important.”

Meav hooked her finger in the loop of Varric’s necklace, pulling him closer before kissing him. Varric smiled against Meav’s lips, holding her close to him with a firm hand on her lower back.

Meav flicked her tongue against his, and suddenly the mood changed, Varric groaning and Meav rolling to pull Varric to settle over her.

Varric couldn’t lie to himself, there was something very satisfying about the way that Meav wrapped her legs around his hips, drawing him close. Her hands moved from his necklace to his chest, her fingers spreading across his chest hair and exploring the lines of his muscles.

Varric tugged at the bottom of the long shirt that Meav wore to bed, a question.

Meav seemed to have no concern about undressing in front of him, pushing him to sit back far enough that she could pull the shirt up and off, tossing it to the side.

“Shit,” Varric kissed Meav again, “I wish I could see you better.”

“I’ll make you a deal,” Meav pulled Varric in for another kiss, “you lose the pants, and I’ll cast a light spell.”

“How far are we going to take this, exactly?” Varric started on the ties to his pants.

“That depends on you,” Meav chuckled as Varric awkwardly moved to sit beside her, struggling to roll his pants down his legs, “I don’t mind if we don’t take it any further than this, but I’m not going to be the only one in my smalls if we’re kissing in bed.”

“I should have worn looser pants,” Varric managed to finally get his pants from his legs, feeling far more uncomfortable with this state of undress than Meav was as dozens of tiny soft glowing balls of light spread through the tent.

It wasn’t a lot of light, not really, they looked more like fireflies than a typical light spell. Varric watched them for a bit as they floated before turning back as Meav touched his shoulder.

“Please don’t tell me that the lights are the most interesting thing in here.”

Varric turned and felt the air get knocked out of his lungs at the sight of Meav sitting next to him in nothing but a pair of smalls.

She was beautiful, but that wasn’t news, Varric had always thought she was beautiful. In the soft glow of the lights, she looked as if she had been taken from a romance novel. Her hair, the bright silver, was flipped over her shoulder as she watched him take in her body, her eyes, the bright blue and purple showed her amusement as he saved every inch of her to memory.

Her breasts were small, and pale like the rest of her, but fit the lean build of her frame. _Maker_ , Varric lingered on her waist, he couldn’t remember ever seeing a woman with such a delicate build. She was strong by elven standards, or so Bull had told him, but in comparison to the other women Varric had been with, she was practically made of glass.

“Do I live up to your expectations?”

Varric reached for her, a careful hand on her waist to pull her close enough to kiss, “you’re stunning.”

“I must be quite different from what you’re used to.”

“I imagine I’m different for you, too.”

“More textured, that’s for sure,” Meav tugged on Varric’s chest hair as she kissed him, pushing him to lay back as she straddled him.

Meav kissed with the sort of singular focus that made Varric feel like his pleasure was the only thing that mattered in the world. She tasted of wine and every few seconds contented sighs would fall from her lips.

Varric was hard, almost impossibly so, and as Meav moved to lay beside him, kissing him again her hand very slowly moved down his stomach.

She kept it there for a while, just long enough that Varric had forgotten she had moved it they kissed.

That was until she cupped him through his smalls and he groaned so loudly that she pulled away startled.

“Sorry,” Varric gasped, missing the contact as soon as she drew her hand away, “it’s been a long time since anyone has wanted me.”

“Varric,” Meav’s voice was sad.

Varric realized he had misspoken, he had _meant_ to say _it’s been a long time since anyone has touched me_ , but he wasn’t exactly wrong in what he had said.

Meav kissed him again, “I want you.”

“Yeah?”

“Desperately,” Meav placed her hand on his stomach again, meeting his gaze, “but only if you’re comfortable with it.”

“If you promise that if I embarrass myself and spend in ten seconds that you won’t tell anyone.”

“Don’t be silly, of course I wouldn’t.”

“Do you have a silence spell? Something so Dorian and Bull can’t hear?”

“I do, but I’ll need to get rid of some of the lights.”

“Please. This is my first time with anyone touching me in a decade, I’d like to pretend it’s just us.”

Meav waved her hand, and half of the lights disappeared and a faint green sheen covered the tent walls.

“How do you know it works?”

“Dorian!” Meav called, certainly loud enough for him to hear her.

There was no response.

“Okay?”

“Yeah, we’re good, where were we?”

“Here,” Meav slowly moved her hand toward the ties of Varric’s smalls, glancing to his face to make sure he looked comfortable, “can I untie them?”

“Sure,” Varric bit his lip as even the feeling of the ties being undone had her nerves singing, “shit.”

“A bit oversensitive?”

“Yeah.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of you,” Meav moved to the other tie, undoing the knot and pulling the front flap apart, “oh, wow.”

Varric laughed, “uh, thank you?”

“I meant the hair,” Meav rolled her eyes and smiled, “but yes, _that_ is very impressive, too.”

Varric held his breath as she touched him properly for the first time, gently circling her fingers around the base of his cock and slowly, _oh so slowly_ , dragging them up to the head. It felt _amazing_ , and she had barely even done anything

“Does that feel okay?”

“I’m not lying when I say that I could spend from that alone, it’s been so long.”

“Oh no, we’re going to take our time.”

She did, alternating between teasing him with just one finger drawing teasing patterns up his length, to stroking him with firm and confident pumps of her fist that hand him panting and moaning and _very_ grateful for the silence spell over the tent.

Eventually, Varric was fisting the blanket under him and thrusting weakly into her hand as she kissed him and teased just the head of his cock with short strokes.

“Meav,” Varric felt his body tense, almost at the edge, “please.”

“I’ve got you,” Meav kissed him again, tightening her grip and stroking him faster until his back arched as he spilled over her hand.

“ _Meav_ ,” Varric moaned, trembling in her grip as she stroked him through it, only slowly as Varric relaxed against the bedroll, “damn.”

Meav cleaned his chest with a wave of her hand and curled around him. Varric was grateful for the affection, feeling overwhelmed from the sensation, and gradual come-down from the afterglow.

It had been the first time fifteen years that someone other than Bianca had touched him, and unlike his original concern, it hadn’t felt awkward or strange, it felt liberating.

“How was that?”

“So good,” Varric kissed the top of Meav’s head, “you’re a woman of many talents.”

“So I’ve been told.”

His manners caught up with him, “can I return the favor?”

“If you like.”

Varric encouraged Meav to roll onto her back, quickly doing his smalls back up and kneeling beside her, “can we get you undressed?”

Again, Meav reached for her smalls and tossed them aside with confidence, stretching out nude with the utmost confidence.

“Wow.”

“Why thank you.”

Varric’s hand seemed massive as he gently touched her thigh, admiring how smooth the skin was as he started near her knee and slowly moved his hand up.

True to her statement, there was no hair at the apex of her legs, and for a moment all Varric could do was admire her as she spread her legs to make room for his hand.

She was _deliciously_ wet.

“Maker, all this for me?”

“I told you I wanted you, I meant it, now get up here and kiss me.”

“Who am I to deny a beautiful woman?”

Varric kissed her, noticing as he explored her folds with his fingers, doing small circles around her clit that she was trembling under his touch.

It didn’t take much for little sparks of magic to dance across her skin, like flames with no heat lapping at his fingers as he moved to press one inside of her.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Meav buried her face against his neck, “feels good.”

“Do you want me to tease you, or…?”

“Tease me next time, show me what your clever fingers can do.”

It didn’t take long for Varric to find the right combination of thrusting his fingers while circling her clit with his thumb, her hips rocking up against his hand.

“You feel so good,” Varric whispered against her ear, “I wish I was inside of you right now.”

“ _Yes_ ,” Meav whimpered, “ _soon_.”

“You better believe it,” Varric could feel Meav starting to tighten around him, a gentle fluttering as he spoke, “when we get back to Skyhold, let’s have a night together where I can make love to you properly.”

“ _Please_.”

Varric kissed her deeply, catching her moans with his lips as she fell over the edge.

She clung to him one hand tightly weaved into his hair, “keep going.”

“Yeah, do you think you can go again?”

Meav nodded, more forcefully rocking against him. Varric withdrew his finger, replacing it with two and sending a silent prayer hoping that the silencing spell was still active as Meav’s back arched like a bowstring pulled tight and she moaned his name.

It didn’t take as long this time, but judging by the way Meav moaned it was much stronger than the first.

“Easy,” Meav reached for his wrist as she started to come down, “two I can do, three is pushing it.”

“Call me greedy,” Varric carefully pulled from Meav, reaching for the blanket at the end of the bed and covering them both, “I don’t know if your silence spell is still up, if not, Dorian is going to have something to say tomorrow morning.”

“Let him,” Meav waved a dismissive hand, “what’s he going to say? _Sounds like the man you’ve been in love with for months blew your mind last night, well done_?”

Varric chuckled, “I’m glad I didn’t disappoint.”

“You were very good, now lose the smalls and cuddle me.”

“Um, what?”

“I’m not going to be the only naked one, get undressed.”

“We aren’t going to sleep if I get undressed, I’ll keep you up half the night grinding against you like some sort of teenager.”

“First, you have more self-control than that,” Meav reached for the first tie of his smalls, smirking as he twitched against her hand, “second, grinding can feel _very_ good when done properly.”

“Minx,” Varric laughed as she deliberately stroked him through his smalls before undoing the other tie, “I should warn you, dwarves don’t need much sleep.”

“Elves don’t either,” Meav re-cast the silence spell, kissing Varric’s nose, “first one to tap out buys the other a drink when we’re back home?”

“You’re on.”


	5. Chapter 5

Dorian was grinning like a fool when they emerged from the tent the following morning but didn’t make any comments as Varric and Meav joined them for breakfast.

“Impressive stamina, Varric,” Bull didn’t seem to have any reservations, “sounds like you treat our Inquisitor right.”

“He’s very talented,” Meav agreed as Varric blushed and hid his face as he drank his tea, “I’m more relaxed than I have been in years.”

“So are you guys a thing now? Does that mean that I need to stop flirting with you?”

“We haven’t discussed it, but you’ll never stop flirting with me anyway.”

“You’re right,” Bull chuckled, “I won’t.”

“You had a good Name-Day then?” Dorian asked, “even though we weren’t prepared?”

“The _best_.”

***

On the ride back Varric found himself lost in thought as they returned to Skyhold.

Meav hadn’t committed him to a relationship but had told him, a few times, that she was in love with him. Varric knew that he cared about Meav, too, but wasn’t sure if he was in love with her yet, though he did not doubt that given enough time that he would love her just as much as he had Bianca.

He winced at the thought, not entirely sure if he was ready to go through the potential pain of losing someone like that again. It was a risk he wasn’t sure if he was prepared to take.

“Stop frowning,” Meav whispered as she rode next to him, “they’ll think I’m bad in bed, or hideously ugly under my robes.”

“What?”

“You’re frowning so hard that I’m worried your face will stick that way,” Meav leaned closer, “look, if you don’t want a repeat of last night, you want it to just be a one-off thing, that’s okay.”

“No,” Varric protested immediately, “it’s not that.”

“So what’s bothering you?”

Varric decided to be honest, “I have some…reservations…about getting into a relationship and risking having my heart broken again. I think it took ten years off my life.”

“You think I’d break your heart, Varric?” Meav had a warm smile on her face, “you don’t have to believe me, but I do love you.”

“Bianca did once, too.”

“I don’t doubt it, and I guess it’s always a risk you take when you get into a relationship. We don’t have to, by the way.”

“Don’t have to what?”

“Be in a relationship, if you don’t want to be.”

Varric’s heart lurched the kindness Meav was showing him, affection for her washing over him like a tidal wave, “do you mind if I take a bit of time to think about it?”

“No, that’s fine. Take all the time you need.”

“You’re amazing, you know that?”

“Yes, in fact, you whispered something similar to me last night as I brought you off for the third time.”

Varric felt his face flush, “I thought that was the fourth.”

“We had a busy night,” Meav winked, “hopefully it’s not our last.”

“You free for company tonight?”

“You better believe it.”

***

“Welcome back, Inquisitor,” Leliana greeted them when they returned, “I’m sorry I missed your Name-Day, I hope it was enjoyable.”

“Very enjoyable.”

Leliana glanced at Varric, and he wondered, not for the first time, how she always seemed to be one step ahead of everyone.

“Are congratulations in order?”

“Not yet,” Meav’s smile wavered, only for a split second, but Varric knew that if he noticed, Leliana surely did, “I’m assuming Josephine needs me for something?”

“If you aren’t too tired from the journey.”

“I am never too tired for you, Sister Nightingale,” Meav linked arms with her, “lead the way.”

***

Varric had been grateful that Leliana had pulled Meav away. It gave him the time he needed to see Dagna and Harritt.

“I have a special commission, it’s a bit different than your usual, but I think you’re up for it.”

“Let’s hear it.”

“Do you think you could make something like this,” Varric gestured to his necklace, “but finer, and in silver?”

“Aye,” Harritt agreed, “I think I have some spare silver chain, all I would need to forge is the ring in the middle.”

“How long do you think it would take?”

“I could start now, if the Inquisitor doesn’t need me I might be able to have it done today.”

“Dagna, could you enchant it?”

“To do what?”

“What do you think the Inquisitor would find useful?”

“Spirit protection, with all the demons she’s fighting.”

“Can you make it that small?”

“You bet.”

“Great, let me know when it’s done.”

***

It hadn’t been one day, in the end. It had taken Harritt a few days to master the hidden hinge and clasp for the ring that held the necklace together, but the final product was _stunning_ when they had finally presented it to him in a deep blue silk-lined box.

“You’ve outdone yourselves,” Varric tucked the box into his pocket.

“The Inquisitor needs someone taking care of her,” Dagna went back to working on her other project, “and it’s nice to see someone taking care of her.”

Varric felt mildly guilty. Despite making plans, they hadn’t seen each other since they arrived back at Skyhold. Meav was busy with Inquisition matters, and Varric had largely kept to himself as he tried to build the courage to talk to her about the whole _relationship_ thing.

“She’s a special lady, our Inquisitor,” Harritt agreed, “I knew you two were destined for it when I saw you together back in Haven. Sharing a blanket as you told her about Kirkwall, it was adorable.”

“We were just friends”

“Whatever you say.”

“Let us know what she thinks!” Dagna waved as Varric left the undercroft.

The next step was to recruit Dorian to ask him to set up a meeting with Meav later that night, just to make sure that she wasn’t busy.

“Why don’t _you_ ask her?” Dorian crossed his arms over his chest, “she’s more likely to open her schedule for you than me.”

“Because it’s a _surprise_ , Sparkler. She’s going to know something is up if I ask to talk to her, or worse, she’s going to think it’s bad news.”

“Is it bad news?”

“No,” Varric glanced around, the library before producing the box, “I got her a Name-Day gift, I just wanted to give her something special _without_ everyone watching.”

“Fine, but I get to proofread anything you write about me in your next book.”

“Deal.”

***

“Come in!”

Varric opened the door and walked up the stairs to Meav’s quarters, his heart pounding so hard he could hear it in his ears.

“Varric?” Meav smiled, “I’m expecting Dorian.”

“No, you’re expecting me. I asked Dorian to set it up.”

“Oh?” Meav stood from behind her desk, “why the subterfuge?

“I have a surprise for you,” Varric pulled the box from his pocket, “sorry it’s late, but that happens when I didn’t know about your Name-Day.”

“You didn’t have to do that, Varric,” Meav accepted the box with a smile, “what comes in a box this small?”

“You’ll have to open it.”

Meav did, her mouth dropping open in shock, “oh Varric, it’s beautiful. It looks just like yours!”

“You play with mine so much I thought it was probably a safe choice.”

“I have no idea how to put it on, will you help me?”

“Of course,” Varric took the chain from inside the box, carefully doing it up and straightening it at the front of Meav’s neck, “mine was forged closed, but that also makes it dangerous if it gets caught in a fight, Yours can undo, so if you need to take it off you can, but I had Harritt make the clasp invisible, so if you go back to a clan they can’t ask you to take it off. You can always lie and tell them it was forged, too.”

“That’s so kind, Varric,” Meav walked over to her vanity to look in the mirror, “you’re amazing. Thank you.”

“I don’t know about that, but I’m glad you think so.”

“You know I’m lost on you,” Meav smiled at him from the mirror, slightly uneasy.

“I’m pretty lost on you, too.”

“Yeah?”

“You bet,” Varric glanced around the room, this was one of only a few times that he had been in her quarters, “do you have some time for me?”

“Of course,” Meav turned back to him, “did you have any ideas?”

“I made some pretty bold promises the other night in the tent,” Varric pulled off his jacket, setting it over a chair, “I was wondering if I could make good on them.”

“Yes, you may.”

Varric felt the tension build as Meav closed the distance between them, reaching for him as soon as he was within reach, “I wanted to come and see you the first night we were back, but I was nervous.”

“Nervous?” Meav took Varric by the shoulders, walking him backward toward the bed, “why?”

“I haven’t made love to anyone in years, and I didn’t want to disappoint you.”

“We don’t need to do that, we can have a repeat of the other night. I want to taste you, too. Maybe I could just use my mouth on you?”

Varric gawked at her, “excuse me?”

“Is it not common in Kirkwall? It’s when one partner uses their-“

“I know what it means, but you want to _do it?”_

“Shall I prove it?”

“If you want?”

Varric wasn’t sure how they had gotten undressed so quickly, but before he knew it his cock was in Meav’s mouth and she was bobbing over him like it was her favorite thing in the world.

“Meav,” Varric moaned, “shit, take it easy.”

Varric knew that Meav had a clever mouth, he had watched her talk herself out of enough arguments with nobles to know that she had a silver tongue, but as it flicked over the head of his dick, Varric had to bite the inside of his lip to keep from spending.

“If you want me inside of you tonight, you’re going to need to slow down,” Varric protested but gathered her hair in his hand to keep it from getting in her face.

Meav pulled back, just for a minute, “I don’t care if you’re inside of me tonight or not, why don’t you just lay back and let me take care of things?”

“You’re sure?”

Meav licked a long stripe from base to tip, gathering the glistening bead of precum on her tongue before taking him back into her mouth with a moan that sounded as if she was the one being pleasured.

It was like the night before, and Meav played his body like an instrument, bringing him to a crescendo before easing off again. Varric couldn’t think of a time when anyone had treated him like this, Bianca or otherwise.

Meav shifted, and Varric watched as one of her hands disappeared between her legs and she moaned around his cock

“Shit,” Varric thrust his hips up into her mouth, forcing another moan around his cock, the vibrations bringing his skin up in goosebumps.

Varric tried to even out his breathing, trying to hold off until Meav was closer to the edge, desperately wanting to spend with her.

It was a losing battle, each moan around him or groan, brought him closer and closer to the edge until he knew it was only moments away.

“Meav, I’m going to…” Varric tried to warn her, trying to pull his hips back toward the bed but she followed him, and as he felt his release wash over him he both heard and felt Meav find her own pleasure, moaning around him as she swallowed.

Meav pulled off with a gasp, dropping on her side beside him.

“Damn, Meav, you’re amazing.”

Meav laughed breathlessly, “I’ve had fantasies of doing that for _months_.”

“Yeah?”

“You bet.”

“Hey, uh,” Varric looked out the window and found it was dark, “can I stay?”

“Of course you can stay,” Meav crawled up the bed to be level with Varric, “we might have time to do that again if you stay.”

“Are you always this generous of a lover, or just with me?”

“I’m not sure if I could tell you. I just enjoy how responsive you are, the way you moan, and now, the way you taste.”

Varric blushed, “I’m not holding up my end of the bargain.”

“As I said, we have time.”

***

Varric watched her as she slept, her silver hair around her like a halo, now complemented by the bright silver necklace around her neck.

Yeah, she was definitely something, and he considered for a few minutes what it might be like to wake up with her like this in his house in Kirkwall. It was a warm thought, one that brought a feeling to his heart that he had missed for so long it was more a memory than familiar.

Maybe it was time for something new, Varric brushed some of her hair from her face, something _his_.

“Varric?” Meav’s eyes slowly opened, “alright?”

“Just admiring how beautiful you are,” Varric kissed her, delighting as she hummed happily against her lips, “and thinking about you stretched out in my bed in Kirkwall.”

“Your invitation still stands?”

“Of course it does.”

“And when we’re there,” Meav pushed him onto his back and curled up on his chest, “what will I be? Your friend, your boss, your employee?”

“Well, you won’t be Inquisitor anymore, so that takes out boss. You won’t work for me, either, so not an employee. You’ll always be my friend, or so I hope.”

“Just friends?”

She deserved an answer, Varric knew, but his heart still thumped with a sense of anxiety, and he swallowed heavily.

“Still figuring it out?”

“Yeah,” Varric cleared his throat, “Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Meav sounded dejected but didn’t press further or try to make him feel bad.

“Meav…”

“Hey,” Meav glanced up at him, “when you’re ready, seriously.”

“You say that like you didn’t have your mouth around my…you know…a few hours ago.”

“You falling in love with me has _nothing_ to do with my desire to pleasure you. You aren’t obligated to love me because I like sucking your cock.”

Varric blushed, “what would Andraste say?”

“ _Maker, I sure picked someone who likes touching that Dwarf, didn’t I?”_

Varric laughed, “you’re awful.”

“Well,” Meav kissed him again, “you like me.”

***

_Hawke,_

_Things are fine, I’m getting past the whole Bianca thing. Most days I don’t even think about her._

_I have a question for you. After Fenris left, and yeah, sorry, I know it’s harsh to bring that up, but I wanted to know how you knew you could trust him again, after?_

_You’ve been together for years now, and it’s like that whole ugly mess never happened._

_Varric_

_***_

_Varric,_

_You always write the nicest letters, you know that?_

_I didn’t know that I could trust him again. I just knew that I would never forgive myself if I didn’t try. We still have our moments where things are tense, but it’s worth it in the end._

_Trust her, Varric._

_What are you doing for your Name-Day, anyway? What could be better than a new love life?_

_Hawke_

_***_

“Well, well,” a familiar voice drew Varric’s attention from his latest draft of his book, “sulking on your Name-Day?”

“Hawke?” Varric blinked to clear his eyes, wondering if he had been writing long enough that his mind was playing tricks on him, “what are you doing here?”

“Your Inquisitor invited me to come for a few days, for your Name-Day.”

“She did?”

“She did,” Hawke produced a letter from a small pouch on her hip, “Fenris is here, too. Meav is just helping him take our bags to the room we’re staying in.”

Varric took the letter, unfolding it.

_Hawke,_

_I think you should come to Skyhold, Varric’s Name-Day is just around the corner and he made mine so special I would like to return the favor._

_Bring your man, and we can put you up for a few days. I think it would do him some good to have a taste of home, maybe it will help him feel a bit more steady since Bianca left._

_To answer your question, no, he’s still not committed to a relationship with me. We just circle around each other with the odd night of passion before going back to life like it never happened. It’s getting hard, if I’m honest, to pretend it doesn’t hurt._

_I love him though, and I hope it will be worth it in the end._

_Meav_

“Varric,” Hawke wrapped her arms around his shoulders, “don’t use her.”

“I’m not,” Varric handed the letter back to Hawke, “I’m just…”

“Scared,” Hawke answered for him, “I know.”

“Lady Hawke,” Meav practically shouted as she walked through the door of the pub with Fenris, “how are you doing?”

“Inquisitor Lavellan,” Hawke answered, equally loudly, as she walked over, “I am well! Thank you for the invitation, I know my darling Fenris loves the snow.”

Fenris grumbled and Meav nudged him with her elbow, “you’ll get used to it. We’ll get you some shoes for while you’re here.”

“I don’t like shoes, either.”

“No,” Meav looked down at her boots, “me either, but I _do_ like my toes.”

Fenris smiled, _actually smiled_ , “fair enough.”

“Shit, Broody, did you just smile at someone new?”

“I’m loveable, Varric,” Meav wrapped her arm over Hawke’s shoulder, “of course he likes me.”

“I feel as if you two being friends might be dangerous,” Fenris commented mildly, taking a seat next to Varric.

“Agreed,” Varric looked between Hawke and Meav, “big trouble.”

***

Varric had been right, and by the end of the night, Hawke and Meav were both mostly drunk and laughing together like they had been friends forever.

“Is he good in bed then, our Varric?”

“Excellent so far,” Meav declared, “though he doesn’t have the same Dalish stamina I’m used to.”

“Hey,” Varric protested, “I manage just fine.”

“We have at least _two_ nights where you had double the fun I did if you catch my meaning.”

“Varric,” Hawke slurred, “you should be ashamed. If it wasn’t bad enough that you pretend nothing is happening, you’re not even leaving her so satisfied that she doesn’t mind?”

“Okay, that’s enough for you,” Varric took the bottle from in front of Hawke and passed it to Fenris.

“You’re getting boring in your old age, Varric. You used to be brave, you’d run around with me, you were never worried about what was going to happen in the future.”

“Time for bed, I think,” Fenris helped Hawke to her feet, “you can talk about the good old days when we had to get you bandaged up in low town by an abomination in the morning.”

“Fine,” Hawke swayed but managed to stay upright, “thanks for having us out, Meav. It’s been fun.”

“See you tomorrow, Hawke,” Meav watched them leave the pub and finished her drink before standing herself, “I’m going to bed. Happy Name-Day, Varric.”

“I’ll walk you,” Varric stood, offering his arm to Meav which she took comfortably.

There was a slight sway to Meav’s step, but she managed to navigate through the great hall without issue and unlocked her quarters.

“Did you want to come up?”

“Yeah,” Varric closed the doors behind them, “just to sleep though, you’re drunk.”

“Super drunk,” Meav agreed, “Hawke is fun.”

“She’s trouble. She, uh, showed me your letter.”

“Which one?” Meav didn’t seem concerned, “we’ve been writing for months.”

“I didn’t know, but I guess I should have, that our nightly…activities….were hurting you.”

“They don’t hurt me, I enjoy our nights together. It’s the morning when you pretend we aren’t anything, or I don’t matter to you, that’s what hurts.”

Varric winced, watching as Meav undressed and crawled into bed, “you know you mean something to me.”

“I think I do, but no one knows about us, and short of you telling me that you’re _sweet on me_ , I don’t know where we stand.”

Varric undressed, curling around her, slightly relieved that she was facing away from him, “I want a relationship, Meav, but I’m scared. I have nothing to offer you, not really, and I’m worried that one day you’re just going to leave like Bianca did.”

Meav didn’t answer, and with a wave of panic, Varric continued.

“You’re so beautiful and funny, and kind, and yet I’m just a middle-aged Dwarf with no real plan. I don’t want you to change your mind about me.”

There was a soft snore and Varric laughed.

“Sorry,” Meav mumbled, “were you saying something?”

“Nothing important,” Varric kissed her shoulder, “night, Meav.”

“Goodnight, Varric. Love you.”

“I know you do.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey - look what I wrote and never posted!
> 
> Sorry!

Meav woke before Varric, carefully slipping from the bed to get ready for the day, grateful she seemed to have escaped the hangover from the wine with Hawke.

She washed as quietly as she could, retrieving Varric’s shirt from the floor and pulling it on to protect her from the chill of the room as she sat in front of the mirror to comb her hair.

“It’s always nice to wake up in the morning to a beautiful woman wearing your clothes,” Varric’s voice came from the bed a few minutes later and Meav turned with a smile.

“Good morning, Vhenan.”

“Good morning,” Varric sat up in the bed, leaning against the headboard, “how did you sleep?”

“Well, and you?”

“Not bad,” Varric watched as Meav turned her attention back to her makeup for the day, “how’s the hangover?”

“Nonexistent, thankfully,” Meav waved to a large box by the couch, “that’s for you, by the way. I meant to give it to you yesterday.”

“What is it?”

“Your Name-Day gift.”

“I thought Hawke was my Name-Day gift.”

“She was one of them,” Meav watched in the mirror as Varric pulled on his smalls and walked over to the box, lifting the lid cautiously, “it won’t bite you, Varric.”

“Holy shit,” Varric pulled Bianca from the box, marveling in the changes.

Varric had noticed some of the wood had started to splinter during their last journey and had pointed it out to Meav in passing. It had gotten worse as the days had gone on until Cassandra had taken the bow from him one night and declared it “unrepairable.”

Varric was mature enough to admit that he hadn’t handled the news well and had spent the next few days scowling at Cassandra every time he saw her. By the time they had returned to Skyhold, Varric was worried that she might have been right.

He had set Bianca in his quarters with the plan of asking Meav to repair what she could but had been spending most of his nights in her quarters and had, in all honesty, forgotten.

Yet here Bianca was, the splintered wood replaced with something new and slightly darker, all visible signs of breaking, gone.

The trigger had been changed again, too. The metal changed from a deep silver to a brighter copper, far more flattering with the new wood.

It looked brand new, even down to the leather strap that he used to keep her across his shoulders had been changed, ornate elven runes carved into deep brown leather. It had been oiled and polished until there wasn’t a single imperfection to be found.

“You did this?”

“Most of it, but my father helped with a few parts. Harritt made the new bow irons for you, and I put it all back together. If you oil it regularly, it should last a lifetime.”

Varric pressed the button on the side that made Bianca open, admiring how quietly the gears worked now.

“I thought it would help with your stealth, I spoke to our dwarven contacts in the Deep Roads, I had them send some of those old gears, and Harritt and I copied the design.”

“And the strap?”

“I made that,” Meav shrugged, “if you ever come across a Dalish clan without me it will ensure they treat you with kindness.”

“What does it say?”

“It translates to, _here is a man who is loved by our people_ , but in elven it mostly means that you’re connected to, or involved with, one of us. It’s not a common saying, and it’s not something a clan would sell. The fact that you have it, and it was made especially for that bow, will make people feel comfortable with you.”

“This is…” Varric found himself at a loss for words, “amazing.”

“I’m glad you like it. I did keep the old parts, too. They’re in your quarters. I know they were part of the original bow, I assumed you might want to keep them.”

“Thank you,” Varric carefully sat the bow on the table, walking to stand behind Meav and kissing her cheek, “I don’t deserve you.”

“Says who?”

“Says me.”

Meav gave Varric a small smile, “that’s the funny thing about love, isn’t it? You feel it if you want to or not. You know that.”

Varric frowned, “Yeah, I do.”

Meav went back to doing her makeup, and Varric watched as she carefully constructed emotional armor clicked into place. Her expressive eyes almost dulling as she finished her makeup and set the small brush aside.

“We don’t have to keep doing this if it hurts you, Meav.”

“Ah, but then I wouldn’t have you at all,” Meav pulled his shirt over her head and walked over to her dresser, “I’m holding judgement today, so enjoy the day with Hawke and Fenris and I’ll join you all later.”

“Meav-“

“Varric,” Meav cut him off, “I can handle it, okay?”

“You’re sure?”

“Yes. Now, go have fun with your friends.”

***

“You’re an idiot.”

“It’s so nice to see you, Broody, I can’t even begin to explain,” Varric fired another bolt from Bianca, adjusting the sight as it landed slightly to the left.

“I agree with Fenris,” Hawke chimed in, “total idiot.”

“Well shit, Hawke, it’s great to have you here, too. Does one of you want to explain what’s going on?”

“You never seemed like a selfish person, before, but now I’m not so sure.”

“No, you’ve got it wrong, darling,” Hawke corrected as she wrapped her arm over Fenris’ shoulders, “he’s not selfish, he’s a coward. See he’s not using her, not really, he’s just scared to admit he cares for her in case she leaves like Bianca did.”

“Hawke,” Varric warned, “leave it alone.”

“First of all, I’m right,” Hawke walked to the end of the make-shift firing range and pulled the bolts from the target, putting up a new one and bringing the bolts back to Varric, “second, fuck you for making such a lovely woman think that she is somehow inadequate in comparison to that _cow_ of an ex-girlfriend.”

Varric didn’t respond, loading another bolt and firing.

“You know, Fen, we could set her up with Sebastian?”

“Too religious.”

“Maybe someone here? Dorian?”

“Prefers the company of men,” Fenris shook his head.

“Bull?”

“With Dorian.”

“Well, darling, you are involved in the Skyhold gossip, aren’t you?”

“I walked in on them last night by mistake.”

“Ah,” Hawke leaned against the fence, “oh, you know who would be _perfect?”_

“Cullen?”

“That’s right.”

Varric flinched at the idea, his bolt going wide and missing the target entirely.

“He was watching her last night, did you notice?” Hawke kept speaking with Fenris as Varric tried to focus, “he was going to offer to take her for a walk around the ramparts, and then we had too much wine and Barris called him away.”

“We could set them up tonight?” Fenris suggested, “a romantic dinner between the two of them?”

“The Templar and the Mage, it could be the title of your next book, Varric.”

“What are you trying to do here?” Varric seethed as he reloaded another shot and fired, “take away the best thing that’s happened to me in years? Make her see that I’m a waste of time? You want me to be heartbroken again, is that it?”

“How can you be heartbroken if you don’t love her?”

“Why are you so fixated on this?”

“Why are you acting like she doesn’t mean something to you when she so clearly does?” Hawke countered.

“Because I’m scared she’ll leave,” Varric snapped, “because if the woman that I loved for _fifteen_ years could walk away from me, what’s stopping Meav from doing the same damn thing, Hawke?”

“She loves you, why would she leave?”

“Bianca loved me, too,” Varric glared at Hawke.

“No, Varric, she didn’t,” Hawke gave him a small sad smile, “or she would have picked _you_ , no matter what it cost her.”

Varric sighed, closing Bianca and sitting against the fence near Fenris.

“Sometimes the people we love, leave,” Hawke sat beside him, “and sometimes when they go, they take a part of us with them. Sometimes they come back, sometimes they don’t, and sometimes we live long and happy lives together until one of us dies of old age. Not all exits are made equal, Varric. Maybe she does leave one day, but there’s nothing to say that it will feel the same way it did when Bianca left.”

“Take it from someone who left,” Fenris spoke softly, “it’s not worth it.”

“I haven’t left,” Varric protested.

“Sure you have, you leave her every morning,” Hawke glanced up as Meav stepped out of the front door of Skyhold, smiling and waving to the Templars who noticed her appearance, “you’re just _very_ lucky that she lets you come back time after time.”

“So what am I supposed to do?”

“Do you care for her?”

“Yes.”

“Then it’s pretty simple, you court her, publicly, until you’re even half as in love with her as she is with you. You move back to Kirkwall, and you live happily ever after with your lady Inquisitor.” Hawke waved to Meav and Varric watched as Meav skipped down the steps and over to them.

“Does anyone have a contact with the House of Repose? I’m asking for a friend who has had to spend the entire morning dealing with nobles who think it’s appropriate to call me _rabbit_.”

“I don’t, but I’m sure Varric does.”

“If you point him out I could probably just shoot him from here,” Varric offered, “save you some coin?”

“I wish I could, Vhenan, but Josephine would get mad at me.”

“How about a game of wicked grace instead?” Fenris suggested.

“Lunch first,” Varric suggested, “then we’ll get the team together.”

***

“So you two have been together for quite a while then,” Meav spoke to Hawke and Fenris over lunch, “do you have plans for children or marriage?”

“Sure, once I’m done helping with the Wardens,” Hawke agreed, “I meant to thank you, by the way, for not leaving me in the Fade.”

“Leaving you in the Fade?” Varric looked between them.

“During our siege on Adamant, when I was in the Fade with Stroud and Hawke, I had to make a choice. Two brave warriors, both offering to stay behind for what they felt was a debt. Stroud, for the corruption of the Wardens, Hawke, because of your history with Corypheus. I chose for Stroud to stay.”

“Why?”

“Well, two reasons,” Meav’s eyes looked distant as she remembered, “one, I don’t believe that any of you are directly responsible for the shit Corypheus is pulling now, and two, well…” Meav shrugged, “I care about you. Even if the feelings aren’t reciprocated, I couldn’t kill your best friend.”

“Shit, Meav, why didn’t you tell me that happened?”

“It didn’t matter. The choice had been made, Hawke was safe, Stroud was gone.”

“I owe you my thanks as well,” Fenris spoke softly, “Hawke is the best thing that ever happened to me. I am very grateful you didn’t take her from me.”

“You’re welcome, Fenris.”

***

News of the wicked heart game had spread quickly around Skyhold, and by the time they had arrived at the table, it had been mostly full in anticipation of Varric’s arrival.

“You three sit, I’ll go get drinks,” Meav quickly took orders of those from around the table before disappearing down the steps.

By the time she had returned, all of the seats around the table were full. Meav passed out the drinks with a smile.

“Cullen, being bold tonight I see,” Meav sat a small glass of amber liquid in front of the Commander.

“Here, take my seat, Inquisitor.”

Hawke elbowed Varric hard, “it’s alright, she has a seat over here, Commander.”

Varric pushed his chair out a bit and pat his leg, “come on, Meav, we’ll be a team.”

If Meav was surprised, she did a good job of hiding it as she walked around the table and sat on Varric’s lap, wrapping her arm around his shoulder to stay in place.

“That’s not fair,” Sera protested, “I want to be on a team.”

“I’ll be on your team,” Cassandra offered.

“You’ve never played for my team, Seeker.”

***

“I’ll raise you two gold,” Josephine tossed the coins on the table.

“I’m out,” Hawke threw down her cards, “too rich for me, Ambassador.”

“Hmm,” Varric looked at his cards.

“She’s bluffing,” Meav whispered in Varric’s ear.

“We’ve been getting our asses handed to us for months and you’re telling me that you’ve figured out her bluff?”

“Trust me,” Meav whispered again.

“I’ll see that bet,” Varric tossed the coins on the table.

“Alright, let's see what you’ve got,” Bull slammed his hand against the arm of his chair.

It took a moment for it to register with Varric that he had won. He looked between the two hands in utter shock.

“Told you,” Meav laughed.

“I’ll be damned,” Varric chuckled, “you’re my good luck charm.”

“So what’s this then,” Sera waved between them, “sitting on Varric’s lap, he’s sneaking off into your bedroom. You two together?”

“Yeah,” Varric answered her, much to the well-concealed surprise of Meav, “you could say that.”

“For how long?”

“I don’t know,” Meav spoke softly, “on and off a few months, maybe?”

“I’ll ask ‘cause I know Cassandra is too proper,” Sera leaned over the table, “is he as good in bed as the sex in his books?”

Varric blushed and hid, tucking in behind Meav to conceal his face.

Meav laughed, a bright happy sound that almost made the embarrassment worth it, “he’s even better.”

Sera whistled, “atta boy, Varric.”

“I always knew he had it in him,” Hawke took the cards from Varric, “another round?”

“We’re in,” Meav threw a gold on the table.

“I’ll deal.”

***

“So,” Meav started as Varric walked her to her quarters, “you’re telling our friends we’re together?”

“Yeah, I guess I am.”

“We haven’t made that official, yet. You seemed rather unsure.”

“Come on,” Varric waved to the door, “let’s go and talk about it.”

Meav unlocked the door and led him upstairs, lighting the fire and the candles with a wave of her hand as they entered.

“I was talking to Hawke, earlier,” Varric undid his jacket, “she gave me some tough love.”

“Okay, what did she say?”

“That just because Bianca left me didn’t mean that you would,” Varric pulled his shirt off next. Something about going through the familiar process of getting ready for bed with Meav making the uncomfortable conversation with Meav a little easier.

“Was that something you were worried about?”

“Yeah, a bit.”

“A bit?”

“A lot. It hurt, you know. Loving someone for years just to have them throw you away like garbage. It wasn’t even something I had considered happening if I’m honest. I assumed we would be together forever.”

“So Hawke told you that I would stay with you forever?”

“No, she told me that I was being an asshole, for one, and a coward.”

“Well, that’s not very nice.”

“No,” Varric agreed, working on his boots, “but she’s right.”

“And from this conversation, you decided that you wanted to be with me?”

“No. I think I’ve known that I wanted something official with you for a while, but when Hawke threatened to set you up with Cullen I knew that I had to make my move now.”

“Because you’re jealous?”

“Because it would hurt to lose you.”

Meav walked over to the bed, sitting on the edge and holding her hand out for Varric to join her, wrapping her arms over his shoulders as approached, pulling him into a hug.

Varric sagged against Meav, suddenly realizing how much stress he had been carrying all day as her delicate hands rubbed some of the tension from his back. It was nice, Varric mused, to have someone to touch like this.

“Okay?”

“Rough day,” Varric kissed her shoulder, “it’s looking up though.”

“Look, I’ve said this before, but I’ll say it again,” Meav pulled Varric back so she could see his face, “I love you, Varric. You don’t have to believe me, but if you want to be in a relationship with me, a real relationship, I’ll do my best to keep you happy. I have no grand intention to leave you once we kick Corypheus off of his throne. I have already told my clan that I’m moving to Kirkwall.”

“Yeah?” Varric studied her face and found no evidence of a lie, “for real?”

“You bet,” Meav pat him in on the chest, “step back, I’ll show you.”

Varric could admit it was a _little_ funny that one of the most beautiful women that he had ever seen was eager to prove to him that she wanted him. He was fairly certain that he could write this into a book and no one would believe him.

“Here,” Meav handed Varric a letter, “this is from my parents.”

Varric protested, “I believe you, I don’t need to read your private letters.”

“You don’t believe me, which is the problem,” Meav smiled, shoving the letter in his hands, “Bianca taught you that you aren’t worth wanting. I’m just trying to show you that I’ve never lied about my feelings.”

“Meav…”

“Varric, read it.”

Varric sighed but looked down at the paper

_Da’len_

_Your father and I are so glad to hear that you’ve found someone who makes you happy. A Dwarf, you say? Interesting combination, but as long as he loves you, we’ll support you._

_We have continued to speak with the Keeper about your return to the clan, but you’re right, there is no way of ensuring our safety if you were to return, or yours, which matters more._

_Kirkwall sounds beautiful from how you’ve described it, and we were relieved to hear that you would be able to come back to visit. I hope that man of yours can keep the Templars away from you, but from your description of him, it sounds as if he has some experience._

_Before you go, can you ask Varric if you could come and say goodbye, first? I know it might be out of your way, but I’d like to see you._

_Stay safe, Da’len._

_Love,_

_Mamae_

“You’ve told her about Kirkwall?”

“Just the stories that you’ve told me, I’ve never been there,” Meav took the letter, folding it and setting it on the bedside table, “do you feel better?”

“A bit,” Varric answered honestly, “I think it just seemed unbelievable.”

“But I’m right here,” Meav climbed into the bed, “you can see me, touch me, what’s not to believe about my interest?”

“I’m old,” Varric got onto the bed next to her, “don’t you want someone younger?”

“No,” Meav laughed, “am I tiring you out already?”

“Not yet. What about money, you could marry Cullen and be the wife of a wealthy Commander.”

“Money is stupid, if I need it, I can steal it.”

“What about-“

“ _Varric_ ,” Meav cut him off, her fingers over his lips, “I love _you_. Not Cullen, not someone younger, not Blackwall or anyone other of our friends. _You_.”

Varric felt something give in his chest, smiling against her fingers, “okay.”


	7. Chapter 7

“I’m sorry, for the record. I didn’t mean to make you feel like I didn’t care about you.”

“I never thought that you meant to make me feel bad, Varric. It’s just difficult to be caught up in someone else’s baggage.”

Varric snorted, pulling her against his chest as they settled into bed, “baggage is putting it nicely.”

“Can I say something, just once so I can sleep knowing I’ve told you?”

“You love me?”

“No, well, yes,” Meav pushed herself up to look down at him, “I do love you, but that wasn’t what I was going to say.”

“Alright, so what is it?”

“What Bianca did, keeping you secret, using you for your sources and connections, it was wrong. Not only was it wrong, but you deserve so much more than that. I understand that you loved her, and I understand that you didn’t see anything wrong with the relationship, but I want you to promise me something.”

“Oh?”

“Even if we do this,” Meav waved between them, “we move to Kirkwall, live together, do the relationship thing. If even after all of that you find that you don’t love me…I want you to promise me that whoever you _do_ love next, you won’t let them treat you like a secret. I want you to promise me that you will only settle for someone who treats you like the treasure you are, alright?”

“Even if it’s not you?”

“Even so.”

“Why would you want me to love someone else?”

“I don’t” Meav rolled her eyes, “clearly, but you deserve someone who makes you happy. Even if that’s not me, well, I love you, Varric. That means wanting what is best for you, even if it’s not me.”

Varric thought back to Bianca, the frantic letters after she had announced her pregnancy asking for Varric to continue their arrangement. Knowing that he would have always come dead last.

Bianca and Meav were polar opposites.

Here Meav was asking him to promise to be happy, even if it cost her the person she loved. Bianca had only ever asked him to make _her_ happy, regardless of what it cost him.

“I promise.”

Meav beamed at him, kissing his nose before curling up against his chest again.

It was so much, and Varric’s heart hammered as he wrapped his arm around Meav to pull her closer, “thank you for not giving up on me.”

Meav snorted, “Varric, I’m hunting an ancient magister. Do you really think a stubborn dwarf is going to get me to give up?”

***

“So Fenris and Hawke are pretty much right around the corner, Merrill is in the alienage, no matter how many times I tell her that she can live with me, and we live pretty close to the market, so if you like to shop you can just walk there in the morning and be back within the hour.”

“On a scale from an aravel to the Winter Palace, how big is your house?”

“Just a bit smaller than the main keep of Skyhold.”

“Wow,” Meav brushed some of his hair from his face, “I’m going to get lost.”

“That’s funny, Merrill said the same thing.”

“Did she?”

“Yeah, she did, but Merrill isn’t great with directions.”

“Do you think she’ll like me?”

Varric kissed her forehead, “how could she not?”

“You’re biased,” Meav pointed out, “I pleasure you on a nearly nightly basis.”

Varric felt his face flush, “we haven’t done anything tonight.”

“Is that a request?”

“Maybe.”

“Come here.”

***

Varric was positive that even in the very unlikely event that he did fall in love with someone that wasn’t Meav, that she would go down in history as the best lover he ever had.

She should have been a rogue, the way that she could play his body with her clever hands all while kissing him and not even miss a beat.

Varric was trying his best to keep up but found himself more focused thrusting into the tight ring of her fingers than anything else.

Meav pulled him between her legs, linking her ankles behind his back and tugging him down to grind against her as she tangled her fingers in his hair and kissed him.

Varric moaned, the sound catching him by surprise as he felt how wet she was, pulling away to groan against her neck.

“Alright?”

“You’re so wet,” Varric kissed her neck, “I can’t believe how good this feels.”

“We could make it better.”

Varric laughed, the idea almost impossible, “oh yeah? How?”

Adela reached between them, positioning his cock so it would only take a gentle push forward to slip inside of her.

“You’re sure?”

“Of course, I’m sure,” Meav squeezed her legs around him, just enough that he was more firmly seated against her. “if you want.”

Varric kissed her as he pushed forward, catching her moans with his lips.

Once he felt himself bottom out her pulled back, looking at Meav’s flushed cheeks, swollen lips, and smiled down at her, “I’m not convinced I haven’t died and this isn’t some beautiful dream in the Fade.”

“Yeah?” Meav winked as she rocked her hips up against him.

“Hey,” Varric nipped at her chin, “if you want to take the lead, go ahead.”

Meav flipped him suddenly, laughing at the stunned expression on his face, “what? You said I could.”

“Yeah, but…damn.”

“You better hold tight,” Meav placed Varric’s hands on her hips, “you’re in for a treat.”

“Oh?”

Meav winked, bracing her hands on his chest before starting to move.

She was _beautiful_.

She felt like silk around him, and she rode him like she had been born to do it. Varric gripped her tightly, trying to ground himself as she moved.

“Shit, easy,” Varric groaned, “it’s been a while.”

“You wanted me to lead,” Varric was pleased she sounded breathless, “I’m leading.”

They fit together perfectly, and Meav seemed to know exactly how to move to keep him right on the edge without spending.

“ _Creators,_ Varric,” Meav’s face was flushed, and she bit her bottom lip as she moved his hand to her clit.

Varric drew all of his restraint to press little circles around her clit, holding his breath and he desperately tried to wait for her.

“Come on, beautiful,” Varric moaned, “please.”

“In a rush?”

“Either you come with me, or I’m leaving you behind,” Varric had to close his eyes, the vision of Meav riding him too much to bear.

“You wouldn’t do that to me, would you?”

“Meav,” Varric groaned, “I’m not going to have a choice.”

“We have time,” Meav suggested, “you could spend now and help me later?”

“No chance,” Varric tried to sound confident but felt his resolve slipping, “together.”

“Here,” Meav pulled away, “stand beside the bed.”

It was somewhat awkward, Varric had to admit, standing beside the bed while his cock stood proudly from his body, but as Meav moved so her bum was at the edge of the bed and pulled him to stand between her legs.

“Take me like this, it always works for me.”

“Yeah?” Varric propped her long legs over his shoulders, pressing inside of her again.

“ _Ah_ ,” the difference in her reaction was immediate, “ _yes.”_

“Oh, I like that sound,”

“Get moving and you’ll hear some more.”

It took Varric a few minutes to get the rhythm down, but soon enough Meav was moaning with each thrust.

“Come on,” Varric pressed the heel of his hand to her clit, “ _come on_.”

“Almost,” Meav pinched her nipples, “harder.”

The only sound in the room was a mixture of moans and skin on skin as Varric fought what felt like a losing battle to send Meav over the edge before he spent.

Meav’s back arched and she scrambled to hold Varric’s hand as she finally and blissfully started to flutter around him.

“Shit,” Varric gasped, “I have to pull out.”

“No, don’t,” Meav’s words were cut off as she came, letting out a delighted moan that ripped Varric’s orgasm from him with so little notice that on impulse, he buried himself as deeply as he could as he spent.

“Maker, Meav,” Varric panted as he came down from the high, “you’re incredible.”

Meav laughed, dropping her legs from his shoulders and wrapping them around his hips with an affectionate squeeze.

“Why did we wait so long to do that?”

“No idea,” Meav stretched, carefully sitting up and kissing him, “as lovely as it is to have you inside of me, I need you to let me up so I can do a contraception spell.”

“Oh, right, no babies.”

“Not yet, at least,” Meav stood and stretched, “though I’ll admit I don’t know if we could even _have_ children.”

“Fair point.”

“We could always adopt,” Meav pulled back the covers to the bed, patting for Varric to join her, “but for now, let’s worry about Corypheus.”

***

They had done it.

Varric almost couldn’t believe it, and he had been frantic when Meav had insisted that he say behind as she left for the final push.

“Varric, I love you, and I won’t be able to stop him if I’m busy worrying about your safety, stay here, keep Skyhold safe.”

“Not a chance, Meav.”

There was another bang outside and Meav glanced out the door, “I don’t have time to fight with you, I have to go before we lose everyone.”

“Meav-“

Meav pulled him in for a kiss, “I love you, I’ll be back soon. Bull, stop him from chasing after me.”

“You got it, Boss,” Bull placed a massive hand on his shoulder, holding him firmly enough that it was pretty clear that Varric wasn’t going anywhere.

“Meav-“ Varric shouted as Meav took off, “wait!”

“Let her go, she can do this, and you can tell her whatever you need to tell her when she’s back.”

And it turned out that Bull had been right, and even though she was bloody, and limping, she was back.

Varric helped her back to what had turned into _their_ quarters in the past few months, helping her shed her clothes that were covered in blood and singe marks.

“I can’t believe we did it.”

Varric glanced at her before walking to the vanity to let a cloth in the washbasin, “did you think you wouldn’t?”

“I thought it was a pretty low chance, if I’m honest,” Meav downed one of the healing potions that had been left in her room, “that’s why I didn’t want you to come with me. Worst case scenario, we both die. A more likely scenario, you had to watch me die.”

“I…uh… didn’t consider that.”

“I know,” Meav sat still as Varric started wiping the blood from her face, “I’m sorry, I’m sure it was frustrating to stay behind.”

“It was, but it was more frustrating seeing the woman I love taking off toward possible death.”

Meav froze, and when he glanced up at her he found her bright eyes studying him, “what did you say?”

“It was hard watching you go,” Varric swallowed heavily, “because I was going to lose the woman I love. It was even worse when I realized that I hadn’t been brave enough to tell you, yet.”

“How do I know that this isn’t just…a reaction to stress?”

“You don’t,” Varric went back to work on the cut just over her eyebrow, “but I do. Love you, that is.”

“Well, I love you, too.”

“I know.”

***

“Are you ready to go?”

“You bet,” Meav tossed her bag into the cart, “when you are.”

“Good luck, Inquisitor,” Cullen pulled Meav into a hug, “I hope Kirkwall treats you well.”

“Don’t let the past keep you from visiting, Cullen. I’ll miss you.”

“Not nearly as much as we’ll miss you.”

The leaving party was smaller now. Dorian had returned to Tevinter with Bull in tow, Blackwall had left with the Wardens, Sera had gone back to the nearby city.

Solas was gone.

“Good luck, Meav.”

Meav sat next to Varric, kissing his cheek, “come on, Kirkwall awaits.”


End file.
